Ouch!

So, some things happened today that I’m sure I’m going to remember for the rest of my life. My foot got ran over by a car. Driven by my mom. The funny thing is that I always saw things like that happen on TV, and I always wondered if it hurt a lot. Well, it does. I can tell you that!

Also, it is not my mom’s fault. She thought I was in the car and began to drive forward, therefore having the tire roll onto my left foot. When I screamed, she stopped. I kept screaming ‘back’ at the top of my lungs, but my mom didn’t understand what I was trying to say because I was crying so hard until my brother jumped out of the car and told our mom that the tire was laying on my foot. Thankfully no bones are broken – that we know of. Right now, the swelling is too extensive for the X-rays to really see whether there is a fracture. But it is considered a ‘crush injury’. Thankfully my mom stopped when she did, because if she had kept going and broken my foot and leg, considering my heart condition and my overall health, they might have had to amputate the foot depending on the level of damage. The blood circulation to my feet is very poor, and I’m very lucky that it hit my left foot and not my right, because my right foot/leg was permanently damaged in surgery when I was a month old, and they almost had to amputate it then. They opted not to because my leg recovered remarkably well, but if my mom had ran over my right foot, it for sure would have had immediate emergency surgery and a very high chance of amputation. So, my left foot hurts like the dickens but at least I still have both of them! I’m grateful for that!

My poor mother feels so bad and I keep telling her to forgive herself. Someone else that we know said, ‘what parent hasn’t accidentally hurt their children in some way?’ I’m grateful that gave her comfort, because I’m really more concerned about my mom than I am about my own foot. My mom is a single parent and it’s difficult to be a single parent. Add that to running over your already-medically-sick daughter’s foot, and it makes a big problem. We’ve had a lot of struggle in our lives from running for our lives to being homeless to nearly starving. What happened today is relatively minor considering other things I’ve been through, which is why I’m more concerned about helping my mom forgive herself.

In addition, I’m really frustrated that I can no longer volunteer for that friend who is running the preschool. Right now, I just need to heal and get better. The foot doesn’t hurt too bad right now, but the third day is always the worst. That has been proven to me! Anyway, I’m frustrated that I can’t help her, but I still plan on saving enough money to build something so my mom and her can revive their Daycare. However, the plan is a little different now. I’m going to build it, let them have the Daycare, but once I’m able to purchase that home I’m looking at two states away, we’ll close down and move the Daycare to that state, so thankfully I won’t have to be away from my mom. It really bothers me when I’m away from her because of some of the things I mentioned above. Starving, running for our lives and being homeless are all things that you go through with a person and you never forget. We are more tightly-knit than any other family I know. We’re more of a unit or team than a family. We each compliment each others’ weaknesses and strengths, and given that I’ve been so sick in my life, had so many surgeries and faced death so many times, I know that life is short. I want to spend every moment I can with my family while they’re still here and I’m still here. If anything happens, I want to be there.

And thankfully, now I can. I’m so grateful that my mom is willing to move two states over for me and relocate the Daycare. She’s a wonderful mother and I love her so much. I just really feel for her because I know how horrible she feels about this whole ordeal. Though it hurts and I might end up having to have surgery or it could get a lot worse – it’s unknown at this moment whether it’ll be a good or bad recovery – I just keep trudging along, finding myself and finding meaning in my life. It’s a long road, and a tedious one. But when you don’t know who you are, sometimes the journey to find oneself is the most fun, relaxing, and invigorating journey a person can take. And I’m so grateful that I can take that journey here in my own home.

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