Entertainer

So, I’ve noticed that I’ve been writing three blog posts a day. When did that happen? *nervous smile*

No, it’s really not a bad thing, I’m actually kind of excited. I know a lot of bloggers write once a day or certain days in the week, but I just have found a genuine love for blogging. I have loved writing for years, and now blogging is a lot of fun. I have the potential to make money at this, and if I do make money doing this, it would be incredible! I think the first thing I would do with earned money is buy another album from Fall Out Boy on iTunes and then put the rest in savings. ‘ Cause I’m cool like that.

Anyway, I discovered this morning that I am breathing a lot better, and the fires that have broken out around my area are becoming more and more contained. So happy about that.

I tend to not know what I’m going to write about when I start a new post like this, but for some reason, once I get writing, the words flow. I’m so grateful that when I’m rambling about different things I’ve noticed or musings of life, I don’t get writer’s block all that much.

So, the topic for this post: songwriting.

I’ve never thought I was a good songwriter, but for some reason, I just keep coming up with lyrics and melodies that make no sense to me and definitely no sense to anybody else. But I would like to think that someday it’ll make enough sense. I want to be a performer, an entertainer. It’s something I truly love.

But I’ve struggled, as every entertainer does. But not with the audience, which is typical. I struggle with myself.

I have had much injury to my brain throughout my life and since I live with the oxygen saturation in y blood lower than the normal range because of the nature of my heart condition, it has caused some brain damage over the years. I often have trouble processing things in a cohesive way, I have terrible memory. But I’ve noticed it mostly in my hands. I love any type of art or craft so it’s hard when my hands refuse to communicate with my brain. My handwriting is unreadable although I prefer to write by hand rather than type. Also, I love to crochet but sometimes my hands just won’t let the crochet hook and the yarn do their thing. Sometimes it looks more like a tangled mess than a scarf.

But I haven’t given up.

By far the most difficult is trying to learn to play the guitar, ukulele, and ocarina. Three instruments I have and I intend to get more.

For the longest time, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t switch chords or even get to chords on my guitar like some beginner guitarist would. I struggle with rhythm. But I have tried since having my first guitar anonymously given to me in 2011 at Christmas. I look up to Taylor Swift as a guitarist, and it was from her online website at the time, with her name and a 13 on the head.

But despite my setbacks I’m learning musical instruments, I now know that I’m not just stupid – I have a real reason why I’m not learning these things. I thrive when I teach myself, so I will continue to work on chords and strumming, as well as just freely playing and not caring which notes I hit, (my favorite).

All I know is that someday I’m going to be an entertainer and maybe it’ll help someone like I am right now to know that I struggled with learning because of brain injury, but I got there. At least, that’s what I’d like to believe.

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