Something flaming this night burns bright. The light is everything I always wanted, and everything I always needed.

But it’s not enough.

For some reason I need more, I need to breathe in the flames and allow them to live within my body. These flames of passion and the sight of dancing scarlet ribbons. The heat is overwhelming, but not enough for me. I need something to hold onto, as I reach out towards my lifeline; for some strange reason, I cannot reach his fingers with mine.

Is it my fault? Have I done something? No, perhaps I’m just in the wrong place. Perhaps I need to wait, and reach for him when I’m more alone, and it’s more reverent.

This need that I sought, and the battles I’ve fought. I would do it all over again, even for the decades that have been rendered in my painful name, the one I wore with shame swearing I’d use something else so no one would know who I was. But then I studied that name, those letters, the core of which it was, and I saw light. I found myself reaching for its brightness, searching for the sun at the end of darkness that my feet began to run towards, barreling forward toward the future. Towards everything I was supposed to be, not everything I wanted to be.

And these scars that I wear are heavy, though I will stand with them upon my body and mind as if they were a feather. The crown that I hold at my fingertips is the weight of the world, but I will endure it with every word I’ve spoken in my own name, knowing that I can only be me and not anyone else.

The fear had once crawled up my spine, threatening to entwine me, but now I welcome it. I welcome its cold fingers at it wraps itself around me, for without fear there is no reality.

They say that fear is only in our minds; I say that fear is something that we can use to provoke ourselves towards our greatest destinies. And as I find myself floating toward that illuminated space, I will always love the face that I behold beyond that veil.

And as I place my fingertips against the glass of the mirror, no one will know the terror that I knew among those days, and now it fades away into a hope that I never thought I’d find again, allowing me to be reborn into the same presence I knew as a child. I am now free and wild.

And if ever again I shall lose my way, I will simply look towards the darkness behind me and know that there is light ahead of me. As I breach the veil between light and dark, there will be times of darkness, but nothing will ever compare to the light of my own hope.


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