In this moment, I remember buses and blue lights. I remember the night sky. I remember the stars that shone down on me in that moment, begging me to come meet them, and let them know how much I loved them.
In this moment, I remember all of those dreams I had blindly as a child, so naively filled with joy and excitement. In this moment, I remember the last eleven years of trying to create my own music, and trying to make it through writing and music. And in this moment, I will remember how this has changed me. How this night has changed me.
Everything I need is here, and everything I ever needed is something that sits within my palms at this very moment. And there’s nothing that can hold me back. There’s nothing that can stop me from finding this glory, this grace, and to see their smiling faces.
I want to know what fans of mine would want. But I need to create music first. I know I have an audience. As hard as it is for me to learn to play the guitar because of brain injuries I’ve had in the past, it’s nothing that will get in my way; nothing that will stop me from getting where I want to be.
And someday, when I’m on tour, I will look up at those lights in the stadium, just like the lights of the night sky so many years ago. And I will look up at them, knowing I’m under the same sky, but I’m a very different person. And this different person has been through grace, through anger, through shame, through sorrow, through sadness, pain, madness, and so much more. But most importantly, in this moment, for me…there is so much more.