What's On My Mind...

People profiting off others’ misery is something that angers me very much. It’s something that I’ve been seeing a lot, to be honest. It frustrates me, and then I end up wishing that I was in that person’s position, so that I could do better. I suppose that sounds a little…off putting, but it’s just simply frustrating - even hurtful - to think of the way people treat each other.

I have many big ideas of things I’d like to create in the future. Many things that I’d love to make and send out into the world. Things such as websites, other projects, music, and more. I’d like to hope that if I ever make it to being a person of influence, I would never take advantage of people, step on them, or profit off of others’ misery. I’d like to believe - and I do believe - that it’s something that would make me rather close my business and my ventures than actually hurt someone.

I guess there’s not much I can say about this topic…I just wanted to say what was on my mind.

Putting My Pride Away

There are many things I have never wanted anyone to know, such as my weaknesses and the things that I tend to sweep under the rug. But I’ve come to find that not all of these are necessarily entirely bad. I’ve come to find that sometimes it’s a good thing that we do these things, because then we can open up and talk to others about it. We can propose ideas and a plan. We can be honest, and let others know what we’re going through. And we’ll find that they might be going through the very same thing.

One thing I have realized in life is that no one is unique, while at the same time, everyone is unique. No one is unique in the sense that nobody on this planet is immune to these problems; and everyone is unique in the sense that when it comes to these problems, no two stories are the same. It’s very interesting and quite impactful to listen to others’ stories, and it would serve us all well to look at the facts, to sit down and listen and put our pride out of the way to perhaps realize that we aren’t perfect, that we are imperfect beings by nature, and that we are supposed to be this way. We are supposed to be perfect. Yet we get caught up in the media’s and television’s version of how we should be, act, and what we should like. They portray perfect people in magazines, movies, TV, and even video games. In that sense, it can become incredibly toxic.

I’ve found that when one lives a life of many near-death experiences as I have, sometimes there’s no escaping the way that you turn around only to find out that you are looking your ugly pride right in the eye. At least, that’s how it was for me. In a way, I resent my pride. It has caused me to be a real b-otch in many situations. But I’m finally learning to lay down my pride, to put it away in order to admit that I’m wrong or have made a mistake, and I think that something like that is crucial to our well-being as individuals. It’s crucial to how we learn to behave around and get along with others.

It’s not an exact science, but perhaps if we were all able to put our pride to the side, and think with our brain and heart instead, then perhaps this world could be a better place, and perhaps everyone would feel just a little more included.

The Beginning...

I have come to realize that I have a shell around me; something as hard as diamond to protect me from the outside world. But it’s come to my attention that perhaps this shell isn’t the best for me. What I’m trying to say in better terms is that I have locked myself away for far too long. It’s very difficult for me to even write like myself, because I’m so used to putting on a persona. It’s not that I’m lying or pretending to be someone I’m not; it’s that I’m used to pretending to be who others want me to be. I have been told that I was going to hell when I was sixteen because I dyed my hair red. There is so much prejudice where I live.

I don’t mean to tell a sad story, but I’ve had a really hard time within the community of people I know and how judgmental they are towards me that I’ve basically become a shut-in. I don’t leave my house because I have a fear of it. I’ve become tired of being bullied, or manipulated or told I’m going to hell for the way I look or choose to dress (I live in a very Christian community). So, this post marks the beginning of something new. This marks the beginning of me opening up, and deciding that others can see who I am. Say about me what you will, but I have finally decided to be who I want to be. And it wasn’t easy.

I have really struggled as a people-pleaser in my life, and I’m finally letting that go. It only took me twenty-four years to do it, but at least it didn’t take me fifty.

I want to thank you in advance for coming along with me on this journey of discovery and finding who I really am, as well as achieving my goals and dreams. I’m happy to see you here.