You Owe Yourself That Much

Depression is a very real thing. It hurts and it kills. I’ve struggled with depression for my entire life, through childhood now into my adulthood, and it’s paralyzing. Just today, I sat it bed with my blanket up to my chin not doing anything all day long because I was too depressed to actually get out of bed. I didn’t even do something as mundane as watching YouTube - I just laid there and stared into the abyss.

Sometimes it feels like it’ll destroy me. Sometimes it feels like it already has. But there is a reason I’m still here and that’s because I have fought, for my life, and for my sanity. I owe that much to God for keeping me alive for this long, and for giving me life in the first place. I owe so much to Him for doing so much for me, loving me unconditionally, and always forgiving me whenever I’ve done something wrong. Forgiveness - no questions asked. What could be better than that?

It’s easy to believe when you see someone smile that there is nothing wrong with their life. Especially with social media like Instagram (I love Instagram, I’m not calling you out!), where every life on there seems picture-perfect…except for ours. I have really struggled with this, and it’s easy to believe that I’m the only one in the world feeling this way. That I’m the only one in the world who feels like doing nothing for an eternity because it seems nothing goes my way anyway. But that’s not true. Who would want to air their darkest demons on social media? No one. That’s why everything is so positive and upbeat. But of course, as I’ve stated, that comes with the downside of us all assuming that others’ lives are perfect when they’re not.

For those of you out there that struggle with what I’m talking about, this is for you - you will be okay. You are loved, you are listened to, you are important. Don’t let the negativity get to you, and I know very well how much easier that is said than it is done. But try, at least. In the end, all you can do is your very best. And you know what?

Your very best is absolutely and perfectly what you need to do every single time. Because nobody can do better than their best, so there’s no reason to burn yourself out. I’ve done this many times, but finally decided to pick myself up and just do what I could do. If all I could do for a day is lie in bed all day and stare at the wall, then that was my very best. That’s the very best I could do for the day. There are plenty of ways I could have ‘not tried’ at all, and giving up completely. But I’ve kept going, and that means that you can, too. So girl (or guy, non-binary, etc), keep your chin up, your eyes alight and your feet moving. Because trust me and believe me when I say that it is going to lead to better places. I can’t even begin to tell you what you are capable of. So don’t stop.

You owe that much to yourself.