enough

Can't Sleep

Is there ever a way to find sleep in a mind that is nearly driven mad with concepts and ideas that can’t be written down but simply executed? I don’t think so. I’ve never been able to find a solution, at least. I’ve had many a sleepless night over my ideas and concepts and the things I want to do. My callings.

If there was such a thing as a switch that simply turned sleep on, however, I don’t think I’d use it. I think I would stay awake. I love the night, and often feel like the night belongs to me. I have never really had anything that completely belonged to me - not even my own life, really - and the night has felt like a dear friend as the rest of the world is asleep. It’s so quiet, and I remember looking out of the hospital window on the third floor of the hospital I stayed at as a child, and looking out at the city lights below. They were like twinkling stars and I wondered if I could ever become a part of that world. Hopefully, someday I will.

Is it enough to believe in something and to understand it, or is it not enough to simply have faith when there are so many that will stomp on it? I think that it’s enough to believe and have faith, and anyone who stomps on it is someone who has been led down a bad road. One where their own beliefs and faith have been stomped on and destroyed. Though I never have understood the desire to destroy others in the midst of your own destruction…perhaps that’s something I’ll never understand.

At least I keep the details of my ideas to myself…I think I would go insane if I didn’t.