Today I Looked Inside Myself

Today, I looked inside myself. At the darkness left untamed. The darkness I refused to face for too long, and now I’ll pencil it down, in pictures and in words. I’ll put it in black and white, just as is in my mind, and I’ll allow them to take flight. The fight that I put up for my own survival and the death living inside the walls of every hospital room I occupied, how could I not be fascinated by death at night?

To face who I am would be difficult, but what would be useless and a waste would be not looking at all. I am who I am, and I’ve survived as I’ve survived. Now everything goes bump in the night.

Surviving things others never did, managing to find years that others never had, my gratitude takes flight, but it lacks the shine, the light.

There’s something dark about me; there always has been. Life and death in a eternal cycle of turmoil. But at least life and death know where they stand.

And now I’ll allow myself to be who I truly am. Leave if you must. But just remember, there never is a time where I trust. I’ve been betrayed too many times, and I’ve seen too much violence. And in my little sight as a child, I saw far too much tragedy. Something running amuck, I thought I was insane. Perhaps the darkness in me was only to be expected.

But even so, I have found myself internally respected.


I am a dreamer. I always have been and I always will be. It’s something that is ingrained in me, something that I could never let go of.

Back on my other website, here , you can read my fictional things, but here I am going to write my reality.

I was born with a heart that does not work correctly, and it is Easter morning. 12:27am Easter morning to be exact. I don’t sleep very well. If I do sleep well, it’s very rare. It’s nice though, because I feel like the night belongs to me, almost. It’s an interesting way to view things.

Things have been difficult because my mother has been extremely sick, and I have as well. But we will get through this together; me, my mom, and this blog (as well as my other fictional writing blog).

Please stay with me through this journey. It will mean the world to me.

~ Saruta Valentine