humanity can't be peaceful

Intelligence

There’s nothing that I need to worry about, and yet I am such a worrywart. Well, maybe that term doesn’t exactly fit me, but you get the idea. I suffer from an anxiety disorder and panic disorder, agoraphobia, OCD, depression, and many other things in addition to my physical health issues…no wonder I’m so stressed all the time. But I thought about what I wanted this website to be all about. Well…? I want it to be my starting platform for everything I want to do in my life. I want to be a singer, dancer, songwriter, entertainer, writer, author, video game developer, artist, and so much more. I am the most ambitious person I know.

I like to believe that I’m intelligent, but let’s just say that I come from a family of people that took over thirty years to realize why an Apple computer was called a Macintosh. But I can still try to believe.

I’ve always wished I was a genius, to be honest. But perhaps that ship sailed with the brain injuries I have received from lack of oxygen over the years. But to tell the truth? I secretly believe that I am a genius, just not very well applied. It doesn’t matter though, because I’m learning all that I can. I want to learn as many coding languages as possible. My dad was a software engineer and I am fascinated with software, computers, and coding, just as he was. But I want to make sure that I’m not like him - he was one of those people who always believed he was right and that he was superior because he was so intelligent. I don’t ever want to use my intelligence like that. I want to make sure that I use it for good things, like helping others, making music and great art in the forms of sketching and painting and crafting stories. I don’t want to be someone who is ‘superior’ to others, truly because I believe that no one is really superior to anyone else.

It also seems that humanity can’t leave well enough alone. Why is it that we can have a small computer in our pockets and we take it for granted, yet we can’t even be nice to each other on the streets? Cruelty is something that I surely will never understand, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t understand the desire to hurt anything, let alone another human being. We are all the same inside, so why do we have to believe we’re different on the outside? I’ve never understood it. Even my brother didn’t actually believe that racism existed until a short while ago.

But I digress. As I said, I’m the most ambitious person I know. It’s due to the fact that I spent my childhood pretty much doing nothing (that I was satisfied with anyway) other than playing, and as I grew older, I had wishes and dreams but no way to make them a reality. I got tired of lying around all the time because of my illness and how my heart didn’t work correctly as well as all of my other major organs (though the heart condition is the most critical). I decided when I was a teenager that I would never lie around and do nothing all day ever again. Though of course that doesn’t mean that I have to get up and fly around the world like Superman every single day. All I want to do is make sure that I make a difference in my own life everyday. If I make a difference in my own life, I make a difference in others’ lives. The ripple effect.

Anyway, thank you for reading this long post. I am eternally grateful!

~ Saruta