I have come to realize that I have a shell around me; something as hard as diamond to protect me from the outside world. But it’s come to my attention that perhaps this shell isn’t the best for me. What I’m trying to say in better terms is that I have locked myself away for far too long. It’s very difficult for me to even write like myself, because I’m so used to putting on a persona. It’s not that I’m lying or pretending to be someone I’m not; it’s that I’m used to pretending to be who others want me to be. I have been told that I was going to hell when I was sixteen because I dyed my hair red. There is so much prejudice where I live.
I don’t mean to tell a sad story, but I’ve had a really hard time within the community of people I know and how judgmental they are towards me that I’ve basically become a shut-in. I don’t leave my house because I have a fear of it. I’ve become tired of being bullied, or manipulated or told I’m going to hell for the way I look or choose to dress (I live in a very Christian community). So, this post marks the beginning of something new. This marks the beginning of me opening up, and deciding that others can see who I am. Say about me what you will, but I have finally decided to be who I want to be. And it wasn’t easy.
I have really struggled as a people-pleaser in my life, and I’m finally letting that go. It only took me twenty-four years to do it, but at least it didn’t take me fifty.
I want to thank you in advance for coming along with me on this journey of discovery and finding who I really am, as well as achieving my goals and dreams. I’m happy to see you here.