understanding

Putting My Pride Away

There are many things I have never wanted anyone to know, such as my weaknesses and the things that I tend to sweep under the rug. But I’ve come to find that not all of these are necessarily entirely bad. I’ve come to find that sometimes it’s a good thing that we do these things, because then we can open up and talk to others about it. We can propose ideas and a plan. We can be honest, and let others know what we’re going through. And we’ll find that they might be going through the very same thing.

One thing I have realized in life is that no one is unique, while at the same time, everyone is unique. No one is unique in the sense that nobody on this planet is immune to these problems; and everyone is unique in the sense that when it comes to these problems, no two stories are the same. It’s very interesting and quite impactful to listen to others’ stories, and it would serve us all well to look at the facts, to sit down and listen and put our pride out of the way to perhaps realize that we aren’t perfect, that we are imperfect beings by nature, and that we are supposed to be this way. We are supposed to be perfect. Yet we get caught up in the media’s and television’s version of how we should be, act, and what we should like. They portray perfect people in magazines, movies, TV, and even video games. In that sense, it can become incredibly toxic.

I’ve found that when one lives a life of many near-death experiences as I have, sometimes there’s no escaping the way that you turn around only to find out that you are looking your ugly pride right in the eye. At least, that’s how it was for me. In a way, I resent my pride. It has caused me to be a real b-otch in many situations. But I’m finally learning to lay down my pride, to put it away in order to admit that I’m wrong or have made a mistake, and I think that something like that is crucial to our well-being as individuals. It’s crucial to how we learn to behave around and get along with others.

It’s not an exact science, but perhaps if we were all able to put our pride to the side, and think with our brain and heart instead, then perhaps this world could be a better place, and perhaps everyone would feel just a little more included.

Helping

It has been difficult for me to decide what to write about on this blog, and what to use this website for, but I knew I wanted a website. And I’m glad I have one, because as I’m discovering myself more and more, I’m finding that blogging about my experiences is very rewarding. Keeping things to yourself is never a healthy thing to do, and that seems to be something I’ve done for as long as I can remember. I won’t go into details, but let’s just say there wasn’t much room to speak out while I was growing up.

It’s interesting how we adopt anything our parents tell us while we grow up; how we are programmed at a certain age to do certain things and have certain beliefs. I never understood that, and I can’t think of any way that children wouldn’t be programmed by their parents. But as I personally believe that religion is a cult, (all of them), it seems that I wish there was another way to do things. But children are at the mercy of those they are born to, and that’s not always a bad thing.

I was born to a wonderful mother. A mother who let me help her bake cookies when I was little and gave me a handful of chocolate chips to eat while she mixed the dough. A mother who gave me a spoon of raw dough so we could eat some together while the rest was in the oven. I have a wonderful family, although I’m estranged from most of it.

What I’m getting at is the things I’m realizing along the way of deciding to take my own path. I became an atheist because I decided that I wanted to be in charge of my own path. I didn’t want anyone to decide anything for me. I didn’t want anyone in charge of me, and that’s basically the epitome of Christianity. Here, I can be open. Here, I can be truthful.

In my journey, I have found that honesty is what resonates the most with others, and I’ve always wanted to help others. Honesty is the best way to connect with others, as well as keeping an open mind. I’ve tried my best to keep an open mind to those I’m around, and I hope that I’ve helped a few lives along the way.

I love to read things called ‘angel numbers’, where repeating numbers that you see in your life are considered signs that higher beings or archangels or guardians are speaking with you through these numbers. I have gotten many incredible numbers. But all of them point to my purpose in life being humanitarian-based. In a way, this leaves a bad taste in my mouth because of the way I was taught to ‘serve’ growing up. I hated service because it was never a choice. It was either serving someone, or being reprimanded and told that you are unrighteous and that you need to fix something, and that god is not happy with you. There was no choice to me.

But now I see service differently. I want to help others in the way that only I can, as an individual. Now that is something I’m very good at. I enjoy it and I’m grateful for the gift of connecting with people that I was born with. I’m grateful for my gift of communication and how clear I’m able to speak. But at the same time, I have terrible social anxiety.

Again, in my journey just within the last few weeks, I have found that honesty is the best. So, here I am being honest. I don’t know what direction to head next. I don’t know entirely what I believe other than gods or goddesses don’t exist. And lastly: I know that right now, I am more free than I have ever been before.

My Reality

Recently, a lot of things have changed with me and my life. I realize I haven’t been on here in a long time, but now I’m back. And I want to share my experience.

I have always been a Christian, since I was born. However, a few weeks ago, my beliefs began to fall apart. I don’t know exactly what triggered it, but I have an idea and theory but I’ll get to that in a bit. The point is, my belief in god crumbled to the ground without warning and without me knowing what had even happened. I had always been such a firm believer, and I didn’t understand what had happened to me. It scary and strange, and I just felt this feeling of loneliness and loss in my soul that I couldn’t shake.

I began researching.

I have always been into spiritual stuff in the past, and things such as tarot and crystals had interested me. In an effort to find some answers, I just began to research. I began to read about everything that interested me, and I came upon phenomenal finds.

Have you ever heard of a Starseed? Have you heard of an Indigo Child? No? Me either. But it turns out, I might be one or both. You can search the term for yourself in your favorite browser, but I started to realize that there has always been a greater purpose in my life, and that there was a reason I was here on earth. There was a reason I was alive, and I always thought it was because of god. Now I think slightly differently. I’m still going through a spiritual transition, but as I learn more, I’m understanding more about myself. I’m finding pieces of myself in every article I read, in every book I read, in every post or pin I see on my favorite social media site, Pinterest.

You see, Starseeds are those that come from another galaxy - a theory, really - of souls that come from other galaxies and are ‘planted’ here on earth to bring earth to be a better place. When I began to read more about them, I found the traits of them were not only uncannily similar to how I’ve felt all my life, but they were identical save for a few wordings and phrases. With Starseeds, we have a certain ‘due date’ where we awaken and remember our purpose.

I know, this may seem like pseudo-science, but hear me out. I didn't think it meant much at first. But when I started to consider the ways I had felt, the strange images in my mind that felt like memories but couldn’t possibly have been mine, I began to reconsider. I’d always wondered whether reincarnation was actually real, but now I believe that it is. I remember my immediate past life, and a little bit of the life before that. I had had vivid dreams, memories, and stories that seemed to appear out of nowhere. I attributed them to be me just making things up for stories because I’m a writer. Well, now I realize that they are very likely memories from these other lives.

So, as my belief in god had crumbled so suddenly and so unexpectedly, and I researched, I came to a conclusion: it must be my ‘due date’. I must have suddenly awaked without realizing it, remembering who I was, and that everything I had previously believed it turned out to be fabricated. Now, I have the uncanny ability to see when people are lying to themselves or to me. When I speak up, I have been one hundred percent correct. That’s part of being a Starseed; helping other people.

It’s very far-fetched and ‘out-there’, but for those of you that have had similar experiences, this might shed some light. I recommend you research these terms, even if your beliefs have not changed at all. I felt something pulling me to write this, so here I am. I believe that nothing happens without a reason, and there’s no such thing as coincidence, and as far as that belief goes - it hasn’t failed me yet.