Taught

Every day it seems that this world gets a little crazier. Watching the politics in my country is more insane than you’d think. I also have been watching some videos about books on YouTube lately, and I noticed something. A sort of trend: what should people do with ‘bad’ books? Books that are filled with hate, or send a bad message or just simply make you feel awful inside as you read it?

My mother taught me a lot of things growing up, and one of the things she taught me that I value the most is that nothing in this world is ‘bad’. There are no bad people, but simply people who made poor decisions. There is no such thing as a bad book because it is someone’s creation. Just as you can’t judge one artist next to another to discern which is better, you can’t place two authors together and compare which is better. My reasoning behind this is simple; if one writer has a sophisticated writing style but dull stories, are they a good or bad writer? And the other one, maybe their writing style isn’t as polished but their stories are engaging. In this scenario, which is the better writer?

Neither, because they both need work. Just as everyone has to work on themselves to grow, so do writer’s. Does that mean they’re bad if their story isn’t as engaging as another? No. They simply need to work on methods that they can incorporate to engage the readers.

I’m so grateful my mother taught me to look at the world in this way because it not only allows me to level-headed in areas but to also approach a situation with the full intention of valuing both sides.

I don’t pick sides. I see pros and cons in both. I don’t even pick a favorite color because every color is beautiful to me.

So, however the world – or people on YouTube – might judge things, there are no bad people, and there are no bad creations by people. There are no bad perspectives because we all see things in a different light, through a different lens.

That’s what I believe. That’s what I know to be true.

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Ambitions Part 1

So, small update. Going to the Dr tomorrow so I won’t be able to write as much. Anyway, moving on.

I thought I’d talk about some of things I’m interested in/want to do. *deep breath* here we go.

I want to eventually start a YouTube channel where I do various things such as talk about books (it’s called BookTube; a channel completely dedicated to books). I also want to do covers of me singing some of my favorite songs, and they will be studio quality because I plan on building a studio and learning countless musical instruments. Next, I want to do let’s plays which are basically where you record yourself playing video games (one of my passions) and put in on YouTube. It’s very popular.

Next, I want to livestream different things on my Twitch channel, like art and video games that I prefer to play live.

I’m very interested in writing right now (obviously) and I have so many little ideas for potential novels, and I’m going to work on those.

I’ve been really into Fall Out Boy lately; I just discovered their music. And I love it. I’m also really excited about finding really talented YouTubers because I would like to start a record label and sign artists who have never been signed before and I love their music.

Finally, I want to start a charity and do everything I can for those in need.

Well, I’ve got a lot more than that, but that’s all I’m going to include in this post. I’m sorry for this post being a little jumbled up, I am exhausted.

Thanks for reading. I definitely will be discussing more ambitions later on.

Behind These Words

As I have been a writer and as I write these words, I have always feared writing what I truly felt, what I truly believed, as well as my own opinions. I suppose this is a little more candid than other posts. But I’ve been paralyzed with fear for several minutes, trying to decide whether or not to write this post.

But I’m not going to let these fears destroy me. I am going to triumph, I am going to revel in the spirit of the warrior that I am, and know that despite the fact that I have been bullied in the past for simple opinions (bullied pretty brutally I might add, as well as threatened and blackmailed), I will not allow that to stop me again. I will never allow it to stop me again. So even as I type these words with the fear I feel and dread I taste, I will step past that threshold. They can’t hold me back if I don’t let them, and soon enough, their words fade into nothing but background noise. The opinions I’ve had and things I’ve wanted to say have been something I’ve been very frightened to tell, because I’ve been silenced before. Then, when I tried to explain, I was told I was ‘crying wolf’. ‘Being dramatic’ and ‘lying for attention’. But I’ve gotten this my whole life.

No longer will I let these bullies of my past rule my present, nor will I let them determine my future. So, here are some things about me; some opinions I don’t usually share, and some things that make me uniquely me:

I am easily impressionable, believing instantly everything I hear

I’m not proud of that

A real man is a man who will do anything to make his children happy

I think it’s pathetic to back out on taking care of someone just because you don’t want to help and would rather spend time doing what you want to do (I have a specific person in mind for this, but I’m not going into details)

I believe that the world can, at some point, truly be a land of peace

I believe in humans on other planets and I am determined to be the one that discovers them and makes first contact…somehow

A father should get just as much leave when having a newborn infant as a mother does

It is because of people that cheat the system that it is now so hard to get health insurance

Ignorance is the thing I hate the most in this world

I love sweets, and I like to eat something sweet everyday

Someday I want to live in Japan

I want to become one of the best-selling authors in history, and even as I fear saying that, I know that it is who I am, and as I write this, I hope that you enjoyed learning a little bit about the woman behind the words

 

I’m a Crazy Cat Lady

I never knew animals had such personalities until we got cats. And believe me – cats are the most dramatic creatures on this planet. They say women are the most dramatic. Nope. Cats are.

To date, I have had eight cats in my lifetime. Five have passed away and we still have three (me and my family). I have a little orange kitty (he’s actually not that little) named Sunkist and he gets into everything. But I love his personality. He’s so mischievous and such a trouble maker, but he’s also super sweet. I swear he is part kangaroo for how high he can jump.

Then there is Ace. I picked him up off the street over three and a half years ago. He was absolutely feral then, but now? He’s the sweetest, most gentle thing you will ever see.

Lastly is Oreo. We call him the ‘Magic Carpet’. He’s afraid of anything and everything. He’s afraid of air basically. But the reason we call him the magic carpet is that he has very long fur, and when he sees me or my mom, he runs at the speed of light and he looks like nothing more than a shaggy carpet that is magically skidding across the floor. It’s hilarious.

They are all cats, but they are all so different. I never would have thought animals had such distinct personalities, even if they are all within the same litter! The first three we got were in the same litter and they were all vastly different.

Despite how annoying cats can be, I love them. They make me happy, they make me laugh, and I feel so safe when they’re around. I’ve even had my life saved by one of my cats. To me, there is zero shame in being a crazy cat lady! Because with each cat I Add, I get nine more lives of happiness, fun, personality, and laughter.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Saruta

I think I’ve said before that growing up, I really enjoyed art. I loved to color and draw horses, and eventually I began to draw whatever came to mind.

Eventually, when I was twelve, I created a character that was completely based off of myself. Her name was and still is Saruta.

It may sound silly, but this fictional character has been my best friend through the years for more than a decade. She has helped me through things that I once couldn’t fathom going through that I ended up facing. She became my constant companion when all of my real ‘friends’ stopped talking to me.

I’ve written a very detailed world for her, and I intend to publish her story as a series of novels that will be more than ten long.

Anyway, above is the picture I just drew of her. Maybe one day I’ll try it in color. I don’t usually do black and white with art so I’m not very experienced. All I used was my sketchbook, a mechanical pencil, and an eraser.

Saruta has definitely evolved over the years, but I consider this her final ‘form’; the look of hers that I’m going to stick with.

You might notice that I struggle the most with rendering hair, but I am definitely working on that. Let me know what you think. 🙂

Can You Make Money From Taking Surveys?

I have serious physical disabilities, and I’ve been sick my whole life; therefore, I cannot hold down a job. I’ve tried to get jobs at various stores and restaurants, but no one will hire me because I don’t have job experience, and because I’m physically sick. Of course, I can walk, I can speak, I can do things most people can do, but I need to take many breaks, and I become very exhausted after even thirty minutes of working on something. Not to mention that the ‘not having job experience’ can’t be helped when no one is willing to hire me because I don’t have previous experience. See the plot hole there?

Anyway, it wasn’t long ago that I looked online for alternate ways to make money. Thankfully I receive enough money for a few reasons that I am able to live comfortably; but I still wanted to make a little extra. I mean, when you are a disabled person, upon getting something like disability, there is often a statement that goes like this: “You must maintain being a functioning member of society.”

In my journey looking for ways to earn money on the side, I came across numerous sites stating that I could make some money doing surveys. So, of course, I jumped in. I don’t really have anything to lose seeing as I don’t have a day job, and I struggle to take care of myself anyway (it’s getting better, though). So, I started doing surveys.

And I earned even less than the websites specified.

Being a white Caucasian woman in her early twenties living with little life experience doesn’t go very far. I was disqualified from almost every survey I tried to take, simply because ‘the desired demographic has been reached’. That was extremely – and increasingly – frustrating to me as it continued to say that to me more and more. The frustration was only exacerbated by not being able to earn money in other ways.

A lot of people ask, in short, whether they can make money from surveys. My answer? Try it, but you won’t make much. The sad thing is, they’re not trying to be racist, but when you fit into the majority where you are white, female, and in your twenties…there’s not much of a chance. It was very frustrating for me.

If you need to earn money, I would recommend playing on your strengths, or things that you genuinely love to do rather than trying to get money answering questions when it’s not worth the money.

Are you good at art? The ‘starving artist’ thing is a lie. Good at writing? Start a blog like this one. Good at baking? Start a baking website, write a book, or start a YouTube channel dedicated to your own recipes. It isn’t too difficult to make money in this world, but it can be if you limit yourself. One thing I’ve found is that when people say that it’s difficult to ‘make it’ – meaning that it’s difficult to gather traction for a YouTube channel or for a blog like this one – it’s not really difficult in the work aspect, it’s difficult in the aspect of keeping up, providing content, having passion, and not giving up.

What about you? Have you tried surveys? What was your experience?

I Never Thought I’d Be a Writer

I never thought that writing would be something I would enjoy. I’ve said before that I’ve always been a writer, but I think it’s more that I’ve always been a creator. I used to hate reading, and because I didn’t read, I didn’t write. However, I did make little books with paper and write little short stories, so I suppose that counts.

Why did I hate reading? Because of my school teachers, frankly. They would have assignments to read twenty minutes a day, and I hated it with a passion. I loved storybooks, but chapter books? They gave me headaches.

I actually read a blog post not too long ago directed towards Elementary School teachers, with ten things to not do so that your students would love to read. Every teacher I had did every thing on that list.

At some point, I had a love for reading and stories, but I believe it was pretty badly damaged by my teachers’ cynical ways and quite frankly, their bullying towards me as well. But that story is for another post.

It wasn’t until I was in high school that I really gained a love for reading. Why? Because it wasn’t pressed on me. I could do whatever I wanted regarding reading. I could even choose the books I wanted to read for English assignments; they were never chosen for me. Thus, as my love for reading grew, so did my love for writing.

Now I write everyday. I’m on journal number 22, of all the journals I’ve kept and finished since I was nineteen. I have a bullet journal, and I’m starting an art journal. I want to start a junk journal.

My computer is filled with endless scraps of ideas for stories or musings or just thoughts. I intend to publish most of them. Feel free to laugh at me, but I would love to be one of the most – if not the most – famous writer in the world. There is no limit to how many languages I want to learn. I am currently teaching myself Japanese and Swedish. After that…haven’t decided yet.

That’s the wonder about writing, reading, and languages. You never know when a book will change your life or when learning a language will become a passion. I love to see the wonder in the world, and some of the greatest wonder is what I find in language. It truly rejuvenates me, all the way to my core.

Wanderlust

I have this intense, almost unbearable desire to roam, to leave, to possibly never come back. I’ve always wanted freedom and I’ve often wondered what it would like to feel so…free. With nothing but the stars to guide me, no appointments and nothing to worry about. It was a simpler time when people lived like this, and I envy it.

It’s not that I don’t love where I’m at or that I don’t love the people I’m with; I just find myself with this unquenchable thirst. The thirst for the stars and truck beds and wonder and fresh air.

Perhaps it’s because I’ve lived in a bubble most my life. I’d like to believe that I can make it there someday; to a place I cannot yet fathom. I’d like to believe that my journey has only begun for my intense desire to wander.

Is it hard? Yes. Is it scary? Maybe. Is it worth it?

Absolutely.

I’m a Wanderer

I find myself to be a wanderer, and by that, I mean that I love to go places, I love to question things and the world, and I love to find places I never knew existed. Sadly, though, lately I haven’t been able to wander, what with taking care of my mom, brother, and myself. But I do like to think of myself as a wandering ghost, a nomad.

As much as I love my home here where I live, I find myself wanting a more nomadic life. If my health and finances permitted it (and I really hope they do in the future), I would love to be someone who travels the world on foot and by car, never really staying in one place for very long. Not a tourist, and definitely not a native. But a wanderer, a nomad who observes the world around them and never stays for longer than necessary.

I’ve always wanted to do this. Perhaps I should start making a bucket list. This would be at the top, or at least listed as one of the more important ones. And I love that quote from Lord of the Rings:

“Not all who wander are lost.”

Perhaps I am lost a little bit, and maybe that’s why I want to wander. I can’t really imagine myself settling down and staying in one place for very long. As I’ve said before, I want to be an entertainer, and with that, I want to tour and travel. This fits perfectly with my nomadic nature. It fits perfectly with my desire to always be in a new place every day or every other day.

I often hear others who have to travel say that it’s hard to wake up in a different place everyday. Perhaps I’m naïve, but I think it would be fantastic to do just that. In fact, I’ve done it before. I’ve traveled to other states before and I’ve been in hotels. Only, they haven’t really been that far from home. Despite that, however, I loved waking up in a hotel. I loved having breakfast somewhere other than home. I loved the idea of gift shops and post cards and little keychains with my name on it that I could hang on a key ring. And to this day, I still love those memories.

Perhaps I’m a wanderer at heart, and perhaps I will one day be able to live that nomadic lifestyle. All I know is that for now, I have to be where I’m needed. But if the opportunity were to arise, and the stars were to align to make it happen…I would never say ‘no’.