My bare feet grace the ground with their presence; soon being filled with the essence of truth and happiness. For I walk towards the light that lifts me, that of which brings my anxiety and depression away from me. And in these steady days, I will find peace in many different ways.
As I search for ways to help others and to bring happiness to myself, I find the book of my life upon a shelf. Upon the shelf of everything I ever needed; these words I say now which were created.
Bring forth the greatest happiness you can find, for I dance with joy and unwind. Filled with flower dust and the nectar of life, there’s nothing that should bring forth strife.
And in this broken soul, I find myself mended once more. My words flowing, flowing towards the shore.
To depart from this world in a little wooden ship; to me I’ve been stripped of the lies attached at the hip. Never too late to get out, but I find myself with frozen lips.
It floats in the air, among dust and cloud. These inklings of imagination around it yearn loud. As these entities search to become, something so much more than none.
Maybe I haven’t thought it through, maybe I’ve allowed my emotions to take over. Or maybe I stand exactly where I should be. Towering over these simple truths, maybe I won’t allow them any use.
No, perhaps I’ve been harsh, my patience now sparse. I have forgiven, and now that I have, I may finally feel the peace I once considered forbidden.
Trust is stained on my lips, my hands, my heart. I can’t help but allow it to depart. Now in these single days and hours that feel so long, perhaps there will be a time when trust won’t feel so wrong.
In everything I’m meant to be, writing will be solace for me. Something comfortable and clean. It won’t ever be mean.
In the absence of cruelty and the essence of confusion, I don’t understand this particular intrusion. My fingers on my pulse and my hair up in a bun, maybe this day I’ve won.
My heart beats steady, just like it should. Beating to the rhythm of the melody within my own head, perhaps it could. And in these darkening nights and haunting curtains, perhaps to be comfortable, I would.
In this silence that encompasses reality, there’s just something that can’t touch this simplicity. It should be complicated, but caught within I know I was wrong. Indeed; I did write this song. And now in every direction I turn, for you it is that I yearn.
These days are the days the morning rays pierce the heart that I once held far away. The heart I once held close. And now I understand that it’s okay to be who I need to be.
Everything in this day is everything I ever needed; for that voice will be heeded.
Everything during this day can be dealt with, if you wake up knowing you are loved and fall asleep knowing the same. That’s why you call my very name.
Hours of experience and causes to follow, these days will give me everything that I allow.
In these days, I have discovered my own ways, somewhere along the waves of the sea that seems to look back at me.
And in these days, I will forever see you face, lying dormant behind every word you speak to me within your grace.
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you; these memories you provide me with are true. They’re everything I ever could have wished for, all along this rocky shore.
Soon we’ll be apart, but like destiny we’ll be together again. Perhaps meeting you was the best part. Part of something that may never happen again.
You are what brings me solace, wisdom, peace. Your voice everything I need to hear in my struggles. Everything that takes the strain away from my poor health.
And in this deep blue, there is nothing but you. Thank you for being true, because I love you.
In this home, I am safe. In this home, I have room to show my face. In this home that loves me for me, there is nothing that I cannot be.
In this home that tells me the truth, there’s not a thing that seems out of reach. In this home my family applauds, so there’s no need for any facade.
In this home I can just be me, everything that I ever wanted and was meant to be. With a mother who cannot be compared to a brother who loves me more than life itself, I am definitely blessed within the family realm.
And in these small due times, I will find nature’s designs. The ones that soon become mine, lining up without resistance. And soon I’ll see the fruits of my labor in my own existence, for I already am. In the night, I find myself in the gentle wind.
For that is what my home – a true home – is.
I know that this industry is cut-throat. The industry in which I have fought to inhabit. In these hazy days behind these words that stay; I can throw away my inhibitions.
I know that entertainment is like balancing on the top of a knife, stepping so light with the fear of getting sliced. But I don’t have to worry about it, because cuts on me heal faster than they could ever bleed.
I know wanting to be a singer and every other ambition I have is extremely difficult. It might even seem impossible, something that I’ve been told to give up and go for something more ‘practical’. But the thought of knowing my determination for this is factual.
And even in my worst fears, I’ll hold myself dear because I already hear the warnings in my mind. Still, I ignore them because this is truly what I’m born for. I’m born to fight, and I was born to follow these trails.
So, perhaps one day I’ll look back and tell the tale.
Nothing is as it seems. Something sinister, time seems, but these thoughts just stream into my consciousness, throwing me for a loop.
I’ve struggled for eleven years, and began to believe that I would never reach what was at the top of that mountain. The one I desperately clawed my way up, searching in vain to find my name scribbled with the rest.
But I never did.
However, things have changed and I’m seeing wild imagination that was once tame.
With windy days and air conditioning turned up high, I dare to believe that maybe I could fly. Maybe, after all of this time, the turn to shine is mine. Because of these words I write, deep into the night. I hope that I get them right because I don’t ever want to give up this sight.
Fickle bones and small throwing stones; I hoped that I could be among those on the throne. The throne of the success that I pleaded so desperately for, for people around the world to hear these words built up at my core. And now my eyes deceive me.
For my name written now; after eleven years I am finally here for sure.
Thinking myself to burnt out, the words no longer coming to my mind. I am not burnt out, but simply having to mine for the words that line my very thoughts. I never thought I would be filled with infinite possibilities; but with disabilities.
Nothing can stop me from dancing to the renegade’s song. On my own I am strong. I make my own path, take part in my own life. Making passageways through the labyrinths that are mine. Mine and mine only. To me, they are holy.
I love who I am for once, and I will never give up this chance to do so. To my own self-love, I will never say no.
Struggling to speak these words of the horror that torments my mind. However, I know that these things will be okay, and my life is mine.
Listening to Celtic music and feeling sick from the weather; a dragon journal made out of leather. Filled with my thoughts and ideas, it will always be there for me in my darkest of eras.
Not knowing what to do, but knowing that nightmares cannot manifest themselves into life; it’s something that would be met with strife.
Though these things plague my very being, they will not find themselves in favor of my seeking happiness. And now with them in my mind, I will reclaim what’s mine.
My own mind.