My voice reaches a new height, under these stars so bright. I have found my solace tonight, as I sing under these concert lights.
True songs and understanding people; there’s no judgment beneath this steeple. Because everything that I am does not mean a thing to them, and everything I am not does not hinder them. Because we are joined in the love of music, brought together by the love for its life. We dance and sing together this night, and we’ll always remember the times we’ve come together for this light.
I starve for these moments, searching for the things that will bring them to life. I reach for the stars, knowing that I will see them truly if I keep my head directed forward. If I keep looking ahead of me, that is the only way I will have to travel. My life will no longer unravel. And as I walk upon this earthy gravel, I have already found everything I’ve searched for.
I’ve explained it all before, so why say it more? But even now, I know that they will all want to know how. If it took me this long, why now? Well, you see, it’s because of this ocean of possibilities, this ocean of faith and belief. Because in the very end, if we want to reach our dreams, we can simply go for them…or we sit here and allow them to remain a dream.
It’s our choice.
It’s everything I could have dreamed of and more. Everything I sought, and more. This accomplishment with these eyes I thought to be so sore, and with all the apology I wore. I will never again need to meet that shore, because this is everything I’ve asked for.
Provided for me, with a little faith and a little belief. I should have known that this pain would be brief. I should have known that at the end of these years of pain, they would not stay forever. And I should have known that even as the pain comes back from time to time, I will stay happy, everlasting.
And these times that I sought things from other sources; how foolish I was to believe that I could find them by other forces. For the only way to find happiness is to make it, and the only way to kill happiness is to fake it.
I knew that someday it would come; or perhaps I didn’t truly believe. But it is something that I finally receive. And now on this summer’s eve, there is no more cause for me to leave.
All of the things that I’ve fought for are here for me, here in their glory. So now I don’t have time to worry because all these things need my time and attention. I shall give them my love in extension.
And at the end of this day, I will lie down my head to fall asleep this way. Because at the end of each month, year, or life, I shall know that I have fought a good and just fight.
In this moment, I remember buses and blue lights. I remember the night sky. I remember the stars that shone down on me in that moment, begging me to come meet them, and let them know how much I loved them.
In this moment, I remember all of those dreams I had blindly as a child, so naively filled with joy and excitement. In this moment, I remember the last eleven years of trying to create my own music, and trying to make it through writing and music. And in this moment, I will remember how this has changed me. How this night has changed me.
Everything I need is here, and everything I ever needed is something that sits within my palms at this very moment. And there’s nothing that can hold me back. There’s nothing that can stop me from finding this glory, this grace, and to see their smiling faces.
I want to know what fans of mine would want. But I need to create music first. I know I have an audience. As hard as it is for me to learn to play the guitar because of brain injuries I’ve had in the past, it’s nothing that will get in my way; nothing that will stop me from getting where I want to be.
And someday, when I’m on tour, I will look up at those lights in the stadium, just like the lights of the night sky so many years ago. And I will look up at them, knowing I’m under the same sky, but I’m a very different person. And this different person has been through grace, through anger, through shame, through sorrow, through sadness, pain, madness, and so much more. But most importantly, in this moment, for me…there is so much more.
Take the key. Unlock the door. Whom is it that you cry for? In this ready eve, among these autumn leaves, is there a way with happiness and peace you could perceive?
I am nothing but a shadow in the night. Perhaps someday I will shine bright. But for now I will enter the darkness without a fight.
Still, as I exit the door, I hear your voice once more. Now I understand. It is me that you cry for.
These seasons are separate, yet the same. Although they relate, they bear different names.
Autumn. Winter. Spring. Summer.
Delightful in everything they are, they each have a personality easily seen from afar. Leaving the door ajar, why don’t you go see who they are?
Flares of light and whispers of snowy flakes. Filled with morning and warm summer lakes. Nothing could ever destroy what this place takes. Inside me, joy the seasons make.
In the flower dust of my heart, it shall take a part in the history of everything from which I would once depart. I take the dust as the essence of me, the essence of what is to be.
In lackluster days and dull sunny rays, I am filled with joy in my ways. Seeing through a lens of truth, I forever protect my youth.
And in these times that I may find mine, I will eternally know that they will be filled with knowing that is fine.
For the flower dust within me that creates me as I am, it will forever be everything that I am.
My bare feet grace the ground with their presence; soon being filled with the essence of truth and happiness. For I walk towards the light that lifts me, that of which brings my anxiety and depression away from me. And in these steady days, I will find peace in many different ways.
As I search for ways to help others and to bring happiness to myself, I find the book of my life upon a shelf. Upon the shelf of everything I ever needed; these words I say now which were created.
Bring forth the greatest happiness you can find, for I dance with joy and unwind. Filled with flower dust and the nectar of life, there’s nothing that should bring forth strife.
And in this broken soul, I find myself mended once more. My words flowing, flowing towards the shore.
To depart from this world in a little wooden ship; to me I’ve been stripped of the lies attached at the hip. Never too late to get out, but I find myself with frozen lips.
It floats in the air, among dust and cloud. These inklings of imagination around it yearn loud. As these entities search to become, something so much more than none.
Maybe I haven’t thought it through, maybe I’ve allowed my emotions to take over. Or maybe I stand exactly where I should be. Towering over these simple truths, maybe I won’t allow them any use.
No, perhaps I’ve been harsh, my patience now sparse. I have forgiven, and now that I have, I may finally feel the peace I once considered forbidden.
Trust is stained on my lips, my hands, my heart. I can’t help but allow it to depart. Now in these single days and hours that feel so long, perhaps there will be a time when trust won’t feel so wrong.
In everything I’m meant to be, writing will be solace for me. Something comfortable and clean. It won’t ever be mean.
In the absence of cruelty and the essence of confusion, I don’t understand this particular intrusion. My fingers on my pulse and my hair up in a bun, maybe this day I’ve won.
My heart beats steady, just like it should. Beating to the rhythm of the melody within my own head, perhaps it could. And in these darkening nights and haunting curtains, perhaps to be comfortable, I would.
In this silence that encompasses reality, there’s just something that can’t touch this simplicity. It should be complicated, but caught within I know I was wrong. Indeed; I did write this song. And now in every direction I turn, for you it is that I yearn.
These days are the days the morning rays pierce the heart that I once held far away. The heart I once held close. And now I understand that it’s okay to be who I need to be.
Everything in this day is everything I ever needed; for that voice will be heeded.
Everything during this day can be dealt with, if you wake up knowing you are loved and fall asleep knowing the same. That’s why you call my very name.
Hours of experience and causes to follow, these days will give me everything that I allow.
In these days, I have discovered my own ways, somewhere along the waves of the sea that seems to look back at me.
And in these days, I will forever see you face, lying dormant behind every word you speak to me within your grace.