Uninhibited

Uninhibited, I am someone who speaks what I want and need. In these dark hills, I walk away from greed.

Unaffected, I am the one who keeps trying, because I’m not fond of life dying.

Unreal, I reach towards the stars, knowing that my fingertips reach far.

And understanding, to know that I know exactly where I’m landing.

In this world of terror and worry, I won’t allow it to steal my flurry of love and truth, honestly something I hold so dearly to my heart.

I want to be who I am, and I will be. Because the only person I can be is me.

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Gentler Creatures

These days together lately have been rough. But I find myself to be tough. Toughened by the challenges that lie in front of me, but not hardened by what they create of me.

I wish that I could’ve done better in the past, but what’s done is done. There’s nothing I can do but move on.

As I allow my face to turn towards the light with the sun to shine on my features, I will forever understand that I am one of those gentler creatures.

Light

My bare feet grace the ground with their presence; soon being filled with the essence of truth and happiness. For I walk towards the light that lifts me, that of which brings my anxiety and depression away from me. And in these steady days, I will find peace in many different ways.

As I search for ways to help others and to bring happiness to myself, I find the book of my life upon a shelf. Upon the shelf of everything I ever needed; these words I say now which were created.

Bring forth the greatest happiness you can find, for I dance with joy and unwind. Filled with flower dust and the nectar of life, there’s nothing that should bring forth strife.

And in this broken soul, I find myself mended once more. My words flowing, flowing towards the shore.

Solid Ground

In lands far away, I see these lonely days stretch into months, years, infinity. There’s nothing I can do right now other than love myself. There’s nothing I can do but trust that it will get better.

And it will.

Trust is not something that comes easy to me, but something that fails to be. I find myself cynical of everything, questioning every word that every person says. I wonder if it’s the truth or if I’m being lied to; it’s something I’ve taught myself to do.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. But it will come soon, I bet. The way that I’ll understand my true feelings about this world and its danger, and to let go of my anger. To be the adult I want and need to be, but to also take care of me.

So many things swirling around, it’s hard to find solid ground. It’s almost like I’m bound, destined to respond to these sounds.

Bold text and even more bold actions, I would love to be someone worth knowing with my fractions of everything that makes me who I am; a patchwork quilt of everything that makes up the organism that is ‘me’.

In these little lies, I search to find the truth among their lives. It seems tedious but wise, and I won’t ever fail to realize. These days are hard, but things will get better. That’s what tomorrows are for.

And as I’ve written these words on this blog the past few weeks, I’ve found myself happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been, thanks to the safety I feel within now to express myself in the ways that I need to; all in order to speak the truth to you.

Difference

As I cherish these things that I have, I feel for others who don’t. I wish there was a way that I could give to them, but I can’t. Because of these circumstances I found myself bound by happenstance.

I don’t want this blog to be entirely dedicated to me, I want to speak of others as well. I wish to be a humanitarian in every sense, because of the way these people fell. And because of the ache in my heart I feel when I see these things, their truths I will tell.

I know this may seem random, but I have thought of this for years. Though I stopped myself because of my own fear. The fear of being judged, but now that disappears. Because these people cry real tears.

Hopefully charity in the making, I certainly am not faking the sorrow I feel when I see another soul suffer. It’s something I wish to never see upon another.

So as I speak these things on my mind and rhyme these rhymes, I will hopefully come to the time where with these words, I can make a difference. Truly.

Face

Wintry winds fill me with their icy breath. I often don’t know what I need, nor do I understand what I want. But I trust that it will all work itself out.

Stretching these muscles within my brain, I’ll shift my focus into another lane. For what have I to gain if I cry for things in vain?

No, sometimes I don’t know, but it’s worth a try. It’s worth the effort to take the dive. To step forward towards these things that alight my mind. They won’t always be this kind.

Crafting each word with care, I inhale cold air. As summer leaves and autumn begins, I find my patience wearing thin. But I won’t give up because I know what I’m made of. Small victories and deeper roots, this will always be my truth. Seeing to another day and another night, I count the days down till that flight. The time where I can spread my wings, with all of the peace and tears of happiness it brings. I have endured things I never thought I would, and I’ve done things I never thought could, but under this gentle hood, I will strive for what is good.

In these tears that fall from my face, I’ll find my own place. Within all these pains and fallen grace, I shall face them all with integrity and grace.

Shore

Among these lights are the stars that shine bright. Among this night are the tales told without fright. I want to know where the world ends so that I can follow it back to the beginning, just to relive the start. I want to feel the creation of us, I want to take it to heart.

There are so many things I yearn here to say. But only small words out of my mouth do sway. Thank you for your love and light, I’ll never forget them this way.

And now as I feel these things I find myself in a happier place than before. I feel as though I have finally reached the shore. Strong beams and pine trees, the scent of it all overwhelms me. But basking in the sun’s rays is where I’d rather be.

I feel these things so fair and know that I am meant to be here. Perhaps you are two, and we could dance in eternal solitude.

I find myself getting better, kinder, stronger than before. This all came to me when I happened upon that shore.

So take these words, these rhymes; and come with me into the forest of time. These things so fine forever shall be mine.

Wow Pt 2

I am so stressed right now. I’ve never been on the phone with customer service for a full hour. Needless to say it was nerve-wracking.

I don’t want to mention the hosting platform I chose as I believe that they are very competent and that this experience of mine was only a fluke. I think God was telling me that it’s not time for a website yet. Perhaps I’m not ready.

But I’m grateful for this experience because in a way it shows me that I can just move forward with having fun writing. As much as I’m frustrated and I would like to have a website, I don’t have the money, nor the energy to do that right now. Right now I just need to sleep. It’s hard doing things for the first time. I’m very tired and have a massive headache.

But I’m grateful to still have this blog.

So Tired of This

I suppose this is just going to be a dump post. Something I just dump here and leave here.

I feel like I’ve been through the wringer lately. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance a week ago and now I’m finally better. Physically…but not mentally.

I just need to say it…I am so tired of being told that to be successful in a certain field that I absolutely have to do ‘xyz’, or I have no chance at being successful. It’s really hard for me to constantly hear that I’m too ambitious or that I want to do too many things. I’m tired of being told things are impossible for me or that I will never make it to where I want to be.

I’m rebellious by nature. Naturally, I’m going to do the opposite of what I’m told, just for the sake of it. That’s just who I am. But lately it’s been less irritating and more hurtful. I know I’m putting fat too much stock into what strangers on the Internet say, but it’s extremely difficult for me not to believe everything I hear. I believe everything I hear by default.

Today I cried about it, and I never cry. Not because I try not to but because I’m just not a cryer. But today, maybe I’m just sick of it all.

I don’t understand the world, and sometimes it’s all too much. I need to crawl back into my cave and let myself relax instead of worrying what the president is doing or the rioters or potential world wars that are all just too frequently seen everywhere I go that I think might be safe. I write a blog, but I don’t read many. It’s not that I can’t be bothered, it’s just that current events and politics and news genuinely scare me. They terrify me. I’m 23 and it’s almost sad if I see the world crumbling around me.

But I digress.

I’m so tired of being told to do things a certain way or I’ll ‘never make it’ to where I want to be. I want to be an entertainer, an author, a dancer, singer and songwriter. I also want to be a blogger, a YouTuber and Twitch streamer. With every one of these, we are all told the supposed ‘trade secrets of success’. To be an entertainer you need talent; to be a singer you need a good voice, to an author you need millions of readers to even hope of getting published. To be a dancer, you need to start before you’re an adult or you’re just screwed.

But what if I don’t want to do it the way I’m told to? What if I want to start dance at 23 and publish my own work in my own publishing company and just sing with my own voice and entertain with what I have? Do these things mean I’m just not allowed to have my dreams?

I’m well aware of doing it my own way and potentially being successful, and that’s what I fully intend to do. I just do not understand the world’s fascination with this formula that some have that others don’t and how apparently only those with the formula can succeed. Though, I’m absolutely positive that 95% of this formula is media crap that they want to sell as a ‘proven way’ to get where you want to go. Then they get millions and you get frustration. In short: scam.

Well, that’s all I have to say. Thanks for reading…if you did. šŸ˜‰

Ghosts

Do you believe in ghosts?

More than half of the population in the United States believe in ghosts, and have even experienced some things themselves. And me? I’m all about the supernatural. I love the idea of anything that doesn’t fit within society’s bubble, and the idea of ghosts would have to be my all-time favorite.

There are different types of ghosts, but I will discuss them at a later date. For today, I want to talk about their essence; that is, what they actually are.

We’ve all heard the classic story of someone dying a horrible death and their spirit coming back to haunt where they inhabited their life. Their home, or another beloved place in that person’s life can be considered ‘haunted’ by this spirit, either maliciously or otherwise. But are ghosts actually spirits of the dead, or something more? Does someone have to die terribly to manifest as a spirit, or is that myth?

The beliefs of what ghosts actually are scales quite a large range. Some believe that classic adage: ghosts are spirits of the dead. Though, there are others who believe differently. There are those that believe a ‘ghost’ is concentrated energy, some believe they are aliens, and others believe that they are nothing but a trick of the mind.

But what about the human soul? Can it manifest itself in such a way after leaving the body? Perhaps we’ll never know the real answer to that one. But I certainly believe in ghosts. I’ve even seen a few.

After all, if ghosts aren’t real, then who can explain sounds without origin, seemingly intelligent mist in the form of a spirit, or disembodied voices?

I’m sure that there was a time where everyone believed in ghosts. I also believe there has been a time where everyone thought ghosts to be the trick of sleep deprivation, thirst, or hunger. Some even believed these entities could only be seen by ‘crazy people’ who saw things no one else saw, now known to either have a form of psychosis, or to be a genuine psychic.

Now, I’m no psychic, but I have seen things, and I have noticed things. I used to have some cats when I was little, and they died years ago. Slowly, I’ve seen, felt, or heard them come back from time to time just to say ‘hello’. I also have a vague familiarity of buildings from the Victorian Era, back in the nineteenth century. Does mean that I could have seen something I don’t remember?

I don’t know.

Despite the endless hoards of literature and pop culture surrounding these phenomena, (who ya gonna call!?), there is little definitive proof that such things exist. Not enough to convince those who don’t believe in them, at least. But still…with so much history and so many things across the world pointing in a very similar direction…could it all be a coincidence? I don’t think so.

Well? What do you think? Are ghosts real, or are they nothing but a trick of the mind; something that has cleverly fooled us for generations?