Write My Truth

Write your truth. 

I pray a lot. I feel like, in the world – especially here in the United States – it is nearly forbidden to speak about God or anything of the like. Of course we aren’t hurt physically by speaking of Him, but we are yelled at, made fun of, and told that it’s absolutely inappropriate, among other things. But I pray more than three times a day, because it is my solace. It is everything to me. I have turned my face towards Him and now my depression and anxiety aren’t so incredibly difficult.

I always wondered what it would be like to reach the goals that I’ve set for myself. I still wonder, because I haven’t reached them yet. I still wonder what it would be like to get out of a tour bus at a gas station and look up at the stars in the night sky. I still wonder what it would be like to even live on a tour bus – a dream come true for me, because I love to travel, and I don’t care where I sleep, so long as I have a warm blanket.

I want so badly to be a singer. I want so badly to be an entertainer. And I’m working towards it. I’m working towards writing my own music and breaking into that field with all my might. I’m also doing it with writing, but perhaps not as strongly.

I found that as I wrote on here, I wasn’t writing my truth. I wasn’t necessarily writing what I wanted to write, or what I felt like writing. I thought I was burnt out, but really I just didn’t feel connected to what I wrote. And to write my truth…that’s the answer I received in a prayer when I asked what I needed to do concerning this blog. Write my truth.

So, I suppose this is my truth: I’m coming towards my dreams, and I’m securing their place in my life. But I need to make sure that I secure my own well-being in addition to that. I need to make sure that I’m making what I love a priority, and I need to make sure that I make myself a priority. I’m one of those people that often allows themselves to get lost in the traffic of trying to take care of everyone else. I find myself to be endlessly taking care of everyone around me, and when I collapse in my bed, exhausted, I don’t even know what to do with myself. I become so overwhelmed, but don’t feel justified taking a break and doing something for myself. I.E. doing what I need to in order to keep myself healthy and happy. And right now, that’s music.

Of course, I am going to continue to write on here, but for some reason, I feel as though music is what is really calling me right now. More than anything else I’ve ever felt. I don’t know why, but I’ve never been one to ignore a gut feeling. Still, I will write here every single day, and I will write my truth. 

Because the truth is where it all began.


Eyes Anew

As gratitude fills my chest, I find myself dancing on a whim. Finding something that I’d thought I’d lost; something I’d once known during childhood. The ability to be happy, and the ability to love myself and feel that I have worth.

Oh, how I would love to jump into a crystal-clear body of water, to let it surround me with its life and to pull me under into another dimension. Flower petals on the surface of pink and blue, I do not struggle to breathe because I am part of the water, too. Something that is just so new, I’m so grateful that I grew.

Thank you so much for everything, as I find myself breathing in the air of tranquility and the eternal dance of grace. As I myself have fallen from grace, I have found myself upon my feet once again. I never thought I’d have to face these fears, but now that I have, there’s nothing that holds me back.

I am eternal; I am new. I am tried and I am true. I am thankful and I am filled with love and happiness for myself and those around me, because God blesses everyone who is willing to see the miracles He provides. Because I am filled with the blessings now that I’ve opened my eyes.

Perhaps I’ve suffered enough; perhaps the lessons I’ve needed to learn are learned for now. And perhaps I can sink into this new reality, knowing that I can sing truthfully and no longer be afraid of my own voice. I no longer see it as noise, but a melody that belts out in perfect pitch, granting my wish.

Oh, to be the singer I wish to be. To look out upon the audience I wish to see. I will someday, and that day shall come soon. As I work on original music, I find myself breathing with the life of the moon. I find myself glowing like the sun, and I twinkle as the stars shine. What was once night is now bright. And before I know it, I will look out upon that audience and know that I am no longer voiceless. I will know that my original lyrics resonate with every soul that stands within that building; and I will know that as I travel the world doing the things I’ve always wanted to do that I will find my strength even more so to be true.

Allow me to write these lullabies in a way that makes me cry, for they are as honest as a child’s smile, as true as an infant’s laughter. And now, as I continue I will view my life with new eyes.

…I hope you can see it, too.