Things That Make Me Smile

Things that make me smile during an awful day:

Apple cinnamon scented candles. Chocolate putting. Peach herbal tea (with lots of sugar!). Music video games. Thinking of a good future. Showing love to someone else. Reminding myself that I’m a good person. Mini things. Books. Writing. Daydreaming. Listening to my kitten purring. Flipping through magazines. Michael Jackson music. Pretty colors. Doing my makeup. Looking on online independent shops (not big retailers like Amazon or Walmart). Cooking. Baking. The scent of autumn. Thinking of holding a newborn baby. A baby’s giggle. Chocolates just for me. Singing my favorite songs loud and proud, terribly out of key.

What are some things that make you feel better on a bad day?

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Stardust

There are some of us that believe in souls, and some who don’t. I’m one who believes. But what if we humans have more than just a soul? What if we have something so much more uniquely special?

I truly believe that the universe is one big mind, filled with music, dance, art, and more. And no, I’m not talking about a Matrix-like mind. I’m talking about how all of us – every single one of us – are born and created from the same stardust that created our world. Doesn’t that make us unique?

If you go on YouTube, you can find videos that display frequencies of sounds that come from our planets. Our solar system and its planets actually make their own sounds, like an eternal track of music. Saturn’s is my favorite, as it sounds like a ghostly wail lighting up the night. So, let me ask you: if everything in the universe is supposedly inanimate, then how can our planets sing?

I’ll tell you: because nothing is inanimate. Everything in this universe has a mind, a soul, a heart, a spirit. They sing, they think, they move around the blackness in an eternal dance, forever forced together by the pieces of themselves that fit together so uniquely like a puzzle.

Not too long ago, I discovered an article that detailed how scientists are now discovering the ‘shape’ of the known universe. The picture was beyond breathtaking. The galaxies that could seem to be just chaos align together to create brilliant strands of light, pulled up and down in threads of wonder.

So, now I ask you: do you believe the universe is a mind? I do. But not just one mind. I believe that our universe moves, thinks, changes, and has its own soul. Everything moves in a dance, making its own music, emitting the tunes out into the darkness.

And so, if our universe is so incredible, so intricate and filled with thought, then how could we not be as well?

After all, we are made of stardust.

I Love You

I love your face, your subtle grace. The way everything you seem to ace.

I love your voice, that soft tempo with which you sing so sincerely and kindly, loving those around you.

I love your everlasting truth, and I ache with the need to hold you each time your breath is taken by pain, each time your efforts feel in vain. Because this world has not treated you right; they don’t deserve your wisdom, your freedom and flight. And it’s not okay how they fight, but not for what’s right.

I will stand by your side unlike any before me. I will walk behind you and guard your back. I will be there to wipe the tears and to take your fears. I will be there to make you laugh, to love you truly and to understand you on a level no one has before.

Because you are everything to me. To see sadness in your eyes brings tears to mine because it hurts so bad to watch you suffer. I will do anything to see that smile that shines the brightest, to face the world in their mocking of us to believe that we are freaks. Well, allow them to say what they will. I would rather be a freak than someone on the sidelines watching you weep.

It seems that I have known you for eternity; the depth within your eyes stirs everlasting love in me. There’s nothing you could do to steer me away, because I know it would only be in an effort to not be hurt again.

There’s nothing you could do in order to make me not love you. I will give everything to you in a way the rest of the world will not, and a second chance is more than what you deserve. A second chance to love and be loved. Because honey, this world doesn’t know how to love. Not in the way you do.

And if you so desired it, I would walk away, making sure to remain a support every step of the way. If you needed something, I would go without, just to see the smile in your eyes when you realize you aren’t alone.

Because there’s nothing thats more true than the fact that I love you.

Whom Is It That You Cry For?

Take the key. Unlock the door. Whom is it that you cry for? In this ready eve, among these autumn leaves, is there a way with happiness and peace you could perceive?

I am nothing but a shadow in the night. Perhaps someday I will shine bright. But for now I will enter the darkness without a fight.

Still, as I exit the door, I hear your voice once more. Now I understand. It is me that you cry for.

Solid Ground

In lands far away, I see these lonely days stretch into months, years, infinity. There’s nothing I can do right now other than love myself. There’s nothing I can do but trust that it will get better.

And it will.

Trust is not something that comes easy to me, but something that fails to be. I find myself cynical of everything, questioning every word that every person says. I wonder if it’s the truth or if I’m being lied to; it’s something I’ve taught myself to do.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. But it will come soon, I bet. The way that I’ll understand my true feelings about this world and its danger, and to let go of my anger. To be the adult I want and need to be, but to also take care of me.

So many things swirling around, it’s hard to find solid ground. It’s almost like I’m bound, destined to respond to these sounds.

Bold text and even more bold actions, I would love to be someone worth knowing with my fractions of everything that makes me who I am; a patchwork quilt of everything that makes up the organism that is ‘me’.

In these little lies, I search to find the truth among their lives. It seems tedious but wise, and I won’t ever fail to realize. These days are hard, but things will get better. That’s what tomorrows are for.

And as I’ve written these words on this blog the past few weeks, I’ve found myself happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been, thanks to the safety I feel within now to express myself in the ways that I need to; all in order to speak the truth to you.

Shore

Among these lights are the stars that shine bright. Among this night are the tales told without fright. I want to know where the world ends so that I can follow it back to the beginning, just to relive the start. I want to feel the creation of us, I want to take it to heart.

There are so many things I yearn here to say. But only small words out of my mouth do sway. Thank you for your love and light, I’ll never forget them this way.

And now as I feel these things I find myself in a happier place than before. I feel as though I have finally reached the shore. Strong beams and pine trees, the scent of it all overwhelms me. But basking in the sun’s rays is where I’d rather be.

I feel these things so fair and know that I am meant to be here. Perhaps you are two, and we could dance in eternal solitude.

I find myself getting better, kinder, stronger than before. This all came to me when I happened upon that shore.

So take these words, these rhymes; and come with me into the forest of time. These things so fine forever shall be mine.

This Light

In the murky depths of my mind, there is something that might just shine. Something I forgot long ago, but also something that I could not forgo. There are things in this world better left forgotten, however, this is not one of them. With a golden hue and shining just enough to be seen, it is something special that one to know it would be keen.

Enough laughter and enough style, there’s more to it than you’d ever think. It is elegant, sprayed with happiness and pierced with faith. It is the ultimate taste.

A small ball of light, glowing beams in every direction. It shall surely be your eternal soul’s resurrection. It will give you everything you need; happiness and justice if you give it heed. Forgiveness and laughter – the same that it threw away. Because you must first throw away what is stale in order to bring in what is fresh. Being new and being you, I’m sure that there are things like this to view. Things that are filled with joy and remembering those little moments that bring a smile to your lips.

So don’t let that smile fade. Let it become the pact you’ve made; the one that you think about late at night, the one that keeps you going in your fight. For you are the warrior that you seek, if only you could see. Everything you need is within your own heart. Remember that when you try to find it elsewhere. You are your own hero.

And even as I say these words, I am willing to give you this light, so that maybe, just maybe, you can put up one heck of a fight.

Reborn

Something flaming this night burns bright. The light is everything I always wanted, and everything I always needed.

But it’s not enough.

For some reason I need more, I need to breathe in the flames and allow them to live within my body. These flames of passion and the sight of dancing scarlet ribbons. The heat is overwhelming, but not enough for me. I need something to hold onto, as I reach out towards my lifeline; for some strange reason, I cannot reach his fingers with mine.

Is it my fault? Have I done something? No, perhaps I’m just in the wrong place. Perhaps I need to wait, and reach for him when I’m more alone, and it’s more reverent.

This need that I sought, and the battles I’ve fought. I would do it all over again, even for the decades that have been rendered in my painful name, the one I wore with shame swearing I’d use something else so no one would know who I was. But then I studied that name, those letters, the core of which it was, and I saw light. I found myself reaching for its brightness, searching for the sun at the end of darkness that my feet began to run towards, barreling forward toward the future. Towards everything I was supposed to be, not everything I wanted to be.

And these scars that I wear are heavy, though I will stand with them upon my body and mind as if they were a feather. The crown that I hold at my fingertips is the weight of the world, but I will endure it with every word I’ve spoken in my own name, knowing that I can only be me and not anyone else.

The fear had once crawled up my spine, threatening to entwine me, but now I welcome it. I welcome its cold fingers at it wraps itself around me, for without fear there is no reality.

They say that fear is only in our minds; I say that fear is something that we can use to provoke ourselves towards our greatest destinies. And as I find myself floating toward that illuminated space, I will always love the face that I behold beyond that veil.

And as I place my fingertips against the glass of the mirror, no one will know the terror that I knew among those days, and now it fades away into a hope that I never thought I’d find again, allowing me to be reborn into the same presence I knew as a child. I am now free and wild.

And if ever again I shall lose my way, I will simply look towards the darkness behind me and know that there is light ahead of me. As I breach the veil between light and dark, there will be times of darkness, but nothing will ever compare to the light of my own hope.

Our Warriors

Listen to these cries of mine. As a fallen and tired warrior, the piano plays a melody I’ll never forget, for it hasn’t ended yet. I always thought warriors were supposed to be full of light and hope. Perhaps we are. Or perhaps we don’t know what we are. We just keep on fighting, knowing at some point it all has to make sense. At some point the happiness will come hence. At some point we’ll understand. We’ll come in from this land and we will find what we are truly capable of.

*inspired by piano music by Lucas King*