Light

My bare feet grace the ground with their presence; soon being filled with the essence of truth and happiness. For I walk towards the light that lifts me, that of which brings my anxiety and depression away from me. And in these steady days, I will find peace in many different ways.

As I search for ways to help others and to bring happiness to myself, I find the book of my life upon a shelf. Upon the shelf of everything I ever needed; these words I say now which were created.

Bring forth the greatest happiness you can find, for I dance with joy and unwind. Filled with flower dust and the nectar of life, there’s nothing that should bring forth strife.

And in this broken soul, I find myself mended once more. My words flowing, flowing towards the shore.

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You

There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do for you; these memories you provide me with are true. They’re everything I ever could have wished for, all along this rocky shore.

Soon we’ll be apart, but like destiny we’ll be together again. Perhaps meeting you was the best part. Part of something that may never happen again.

You are what brings me solace, wisdom, peace. Your voice everything I need to hear in my struggles. Everything that takes the strain away from my poor health.

And in this deep blue, there is nothing but you. Thank you for being true, because I love you.

In This Home

In this home, I am safe. In this home, I have room to show my face. In this home that loves me for me, there is nothing that I cannot be.

In this home that tells me the truth, there’s not a thing that seems out of reach. In this home my family applauds, so there’s no need for any facade.

In this home I can just be me, everything that I ever wanted and was meant to be. With a mother who cannot be compared to a brother who loves me more than life itself, I am definitely blessed within the family realm.

And in these small due times, I will find nature’s designs. The ones that soon become mine, lining up without resistance. And soon I’ll see the fruits of my labor in my own existence, for I already am. In the night, I find myself in the gentle wind.

For that is what my home – a true home – is.

Difference

As I cherish these things that I have, I feel for others who don’t. I wish there was a way that I could give to them, but I can’t. Because of these circumstances I found myself bound by happenstance.

I don’t want this blog to be entirely dedicated to me, I want to speak of others as well. I wish to be a humanitarian in every sense, because of the way these people fell. And because of the ache in my heart I feel when I see these things, their truths I will tell.

I know this may seem random, but I have thought of this for years. Though I stopped myself because of my own fear. The fear of being judged, but now that disappears. Because these people cry real tears.

Hopefully charity in the making, I certainly am not faking the sorrow I feel when I see another soul suffer. It’s something I wish to never see upon another.

So as I speak these things on my mind and rhyme these rhymes, I will hopefully come to the time where with these words, I can make a difference. Truly.

For Now

In love with their little eyes, I see no lies. In various colors of green and orange and blue, I am captured by the hue. They may be nothing other than felines to others, but to me, they are a lifeline.

I love to watch them in their own little personalities. I love to see their own originality. I have met so many in my life, yet no two are the same. I love picking out their name.

And now, I will dedicate myself to saving the lives of those that are lost and hurt because there was nothing more rewarding than watching my cat Ace become filled with love and happiness after all of the pain he endured for five years on the street.

I yearn to create a sanctuary for them so that I may save the ones that need to be saved, though I don’t have the ability to do so right now. But eventually I will do everything I can to fulfill that vow.

And as they may seem simple or even annoying, they have saved my life in more ways than one. There’s no way I could truly thank them for loving me unconditionally, so I will do what I can to give them a home and the same love in return.

For now, it’s all I can do.

Tomorrows

Holy love. To cherish it is to bring these words nigh. To understand it is to know these things from high above the tree tops, into the heavens above.

For you are not who you believe to be. You are so much more. Filled with a value you have never seen before. Bring with you this hollow shore, for it shall surely bring you more than ever before.

Loving you is something simple, something true. Something only your real friends are will to do. In the evenings of doubt and the nights of sadness, remember that if you were to give up it only cause madness.

For I often ask myself why. Why did this person die? Even if not in the flesh, but within the mind. Something that isn’t easily understood among our kind.

So reach out your hand and allow yourself to see. These things that I say shall surely be. In these doubts and sorrows, there will always be another tomorrow.

As my mother always told me before, “that’s what tomorrows are for”.

Thank You

Images of worries and long nights. I find my anxiety going to new heights. Possibly things will be fine.

I’m filled with joy to know that my writing is loved. Just as classic stories, I would like mine to be beloved. Thank you for your generosity, it helps fuel my curiosity. My desire to speak my mind and be who I am; to harness my skill with my own brand.

Thank you to my readers, for you are so special to me. Eternally in my heart you will be.

This is not a note goodbye as it sounds like. I realize it seems like I’m ending this, but I’m not. I’m simply thanking you all for reading. And as I move forward with this chapter in my life, I have learned much and I cherish this feeling.

To Love

To love someone is to give them your last cold water on a hot day. To love someone is to never tell them they just gave up the opportunity for celebrating their birthday so that you can have a treat when you are a child.

A mother’s love is undeniable, and something to cherished.

To love someone is to get out of the car first on a bitter winter day so you can get a blanket so they wont be as cold. To love someone is to tell your cat every night how much you love them, even if they don’t understand.

To love someone is to give up the last swing on the playground for your younger sibling and then push them for a while so they can have fun. To love someone is to allow them to hold your hand if they’re scared, even if they’re squeezing too hard and it hurts.

To love someone is to save their life because you feel something isn’t right, so you call an ambulance, sacrificing your good night of sleep. To love someone is to look both ways before you cross the street.

And even as I write this, there are infinite ways to show that you love someone, not just the ones I’ve listed here. These are all things I’ve experienced in my life from my brother and my mom because they love me unconditionally, and I definitely know that not everybody has that.

I’m so grateful to have the little family I have, because they love me, and quite frankly, that’s all I need.

(P.S. I have come very close to tears while writing this. It means so much to me. And I hardly ever cry.)

I’m a Crazy Cat Lady

I never knew animals had such personalities until we got cats. And believe me – cats are the most dramatic creatures on this planet. They say women are the most dramatic. Nope. Cats are.

To date, I have had eight cats in my lifetime. Five have passed away and we still have three (me and my family). I have a little orange kitty (he’s actually not that little) named Sunkist and he gets into everything. But I love his personality. He’s so mischievous and such a trouble maker, but he’s also super sweet. I swear he is part kangaroo for how high he can jump.

Then there is Ace. I picked him up off the street over three and a half years ago. He was absolutely feral then, but now? He’s the sweetest, most gentle thing you will ever see.

Lastly is Oreo. We call him the ‘Magic Carpet’. He’s afraid of anything and everything. He’s afraid of air basically. But the reason we call him the magic carpet is that he has very long fur, and when he sees me or my mom, he runs at the speed of light and he looks like nothing more than a shaggy carpet that is magically skidding across the floor. It’s hilarious.

They are all cats, but they are all so different. I never would have thought animals had such distinct personalities, even if they are all within the same litter! The first three we got were in the same litter and they were all vastly different.

Despite how annoying cats can be, I love them. They make me happy, they make me laugh, and I feel so safe when they’re around. I’ve even had my life saved by one of my cats. To me, there is zero shame in being a crazy cat lady! Because with each cat I Add, I get nine more lives of happiness, fun, personality, and laughter.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Daycare

Hello! First, I would like to apologize for not posting anything yesterday. I was volunteering for a friend to help her with this new job for a preschool she’s helping with and it was around midnight when we were done! Whew!

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot. My mom ran a Daycare for five years, and it was wonderful. At the time though, I was a teenager, and naturally I hated it. I didn’t like that the kids were encroaching on my territory. I even look back at those days and I’m ashamed as to how I acted around them and ashamed of the things I said about the Daycare. It was my mom’s dream job, but we had to do it out of our house, and it was very difficult. I just wanted to feel like I was living in a home, not a business. But we ended up having to shut down for various reasons. Now, I’m thinking about my future. There are so many things that I want to do in my life. I want to be an entertainer, I want (maybe) to be an author, and I was going to give myself two years to decide. But now I’m wondering if I should give myself longer than two years to decide.

There’s this home that I want in another state, and it’s pretty expensive, but I won’t give it up for anything. There’s a lot about the home and property that means a lot to me, although I’d rather not get into those reasons. Now, I’m starting to wonder if I should give up on that property and stay here where I am. Of course, that answer is no. I’m going to save up money and buy the property. It’s too special for me. The person who owned it before saved my life. The rest is hard to explain.

So, I’m thinking about making money with writing here on this blog, streaming on Twitch.tv, and maybe doing a YouTube channel, and selling my art, becoming a professional artist. I’m going to build a nice business building (not too big but big enough) for my mom to restart her Daycare with her friend that helped her start the older one. I definitely want to be part of it this time. There’s a lot of incentive. I want to learn how to take care of kids because I eventually want to go into foster care, and be a foster mom. I also think it would be nice to give older kids lessons in foreign languages.

Anyway, I’m straying from my main point. My point is that I’m conflicted; I want to go to that property in another state and live there, but I don’t want to be away from my mom. I know that sounds silly, but because of my health condition, I’ve lived a harsh life and she’s the only person that has always been there for me. I don’t want to be away from her because she’s sick right now and she needs my help. In addition, I don’t want to look back one day and realize that I lost the time I had left with my mom while I was chasing my dreams. I love my mom, and I don’t want to be away from her, because we are more closely connected than most mother/daughter pairs. I’m serious about that; I’ve been told that by countless people who have observed how my mom and I can speak without even opening our mouths. We can communicate with looks, and since we clung to each other for survival during my childhood, we know each other well and we have horrible memories together as well as miracles together. It’s different than most families.

So, I want to stay where I am, but I want to go away to another place. It’s conflicting. But the one thing I do know is this: I’m definitely going to stay where I am for a while, even if I end up buying the property, I won’t move in immediately. I want to be there for her Daycare, and I want to help with teaching the kids, helping with the children, and doing little summer programs as well as holiday programs. It’s something that is now a part of me, and I never would have gotten there without having had lived with the Daycare for five years when I was a teenager. It’s part of my life and it is integrated into who I am as a person. Despite my desire to be an entertainer (which I will always strive for), I also have it ingrained in me to look after children and be a foster mother. I want to help children that are hurting, and I’ve even considered being a teacher.

But with all of this looming over me, I feel like I’ve already made my decision: I’m going to move away, but I will visit often. I will be a foster mother, and I will work at the Daycare for a long time before I do. I hope to live a long life, so hopefully I’ll have time to do everything I want to do.

I’m sorry if this post seems really strange and pointless, but this is what I can come up with after hours and hours of lesson planning for three-year-olds! All I can do is know that I will received the opportunity to live out every dream I have. I truly know that. It’s just a part of who I am.