Uninhibited, I am someone who speaks what I want and need. In these dark hills, I walk away from greed.
Unaffected, I am the one who keeps trying, because I’m not fond of life dying.
Unreal, I reach towards the stars, knowing that my fingertips reach far.
And understanding, to know that I know exactly where I’m landing.
In this world of terror and worry, I won’t allow it to steal my flurry of love and truth, honestly something I hold so dearly to my heart.
I want to be who I am, and I will be. Because the only person I can be is me.
These days together lately have been rough. But I find myself to be tough. Toughened by the challenges that lie in front of me, but not hardened by what they create of me.
I wish that I could’ve done better in the past, but what’s done is done. There’s nothing I can do but move on.
As I allow my face to turn towards the light with the sun to shine on my features, I will forever understand that I am one of those gentler creatures.
Take the key. Unlock the door. Whom is it that you cry for? In this ready eve, among these autumn leaves, is there a way with happiness and peace you could perceive?
I am nothing but a shadow in the night. Perhaps someday I will shine bright. But for now I will enter the darkness without a fight.
Still, as I exit the door, I hear your voice once more. Now I understand. It is me that you cry for.
My bare feet grace the ground with their presence; soon being filled with the essence of truth and happiness. For I walk towards the light that lifts me, that of which brings my anxiety and depression away from me. And in these steady days, I will find peace in many different ways.
As I search for ways to help others and to bring happiness to myself, I find the book of my life upon a shelf. Upon the shelf of everything I ever needed; these words I say now which were created.
Bring forth the greatest happiness you can find, for I dance with joy and unwind. Filled with flower dust and the nectar of life, there’s nothing that should bring forth strife.
And in this broken soul, I find myself mended once more. My words flowing, flowing towards the shore.
To depart from this world in a little wooden ship; to me I’ve been stripped of the lies attached at the hip. Never too late to get out, but I find myself with frozen lips.
It floats in the air, among dust and cloud. These inklings of imagination around it yearn loud. As these entities search to become, something so much more than none.
Maybe I haven’t thought it through, maybe I’ve allowed my emotions to take over. Or maybe I stand exactly where I should be. Towering over these simple truths, maybe I won’t allow them any use.
No, perhaps I’ve been harsh, my patience now sparse. I have forgiven, and now that I have, I may finally feel the peace I once considered forbidden.
I know that this industry is cut-throat. The industry in which I have fought to inhabit. In these hazy days behind these words that stay; I can throw away my inhibitions.
I know that entertainment is like balancing on the top of a knife, stepping so light with the fear of getting sliced. But I don’t have to worry about it, because cuts on me heal faster than they could ever bleed.
I know wanting to be a singer and every other ambition I have is extremely difficult. It might even seem impossible, something that I’ve been told to give up and go for something more ‘practical’. But the thought of knowing my determination for this is factual.
And even in my worst fears, I’ll hold myself dear because I already hear the warnings in my mind. Still, I ignore them because this is truly what I’m born for. I’m born to fight, and I was born to follow these trails.
So, perhaps one day I’ll look back and tell the tale.
Thinking myself to burnt out, the words no longer coming to my mind. I am not burnt out, but simply having to mine for the words that line my very thoughts. I never thought I would be filled with infinite possibilities; but with disabilities.
Nothing can stop me from dancing to the renegade’s song. On my own I am strong. I make my own path, take part in my own life. Making passageways through the labyrinths that are mine. Mine and mine only. To me, they are holy.
I love who I am for once, and I will never give up this chance to do so. To my own self-love, I will never say no.
In lands far away, I see these lonely days stretch into months, years, infinity. There’s nothing I can do right now other than love myself. There’s nothing I can do but trust that it will get better.
And it will.
Trust is not something that comes easy to me, but something that fails to be. I find myself cynical of everything, questioning every word that every person says. I wonder if it’s the truth or if I’m being lied to; it’s something I’ve taught myself to do.
I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. But it will come soon, I bet. The way that I’ll understand my true feelings about this world and its danger, and to let go of my anger. To be the adult I want and need to be, but to also take care of me.
So many things swirling around, it’s hard to find solid ground. It’s almost like I’m bound, destined to respond to these sounds.
Bold text and even more bold actions, I would love to be someone worth knowing with my fractions of everything that makes me who I am; a patchwork quilt of everything that makes up the organism that is ‘me’.
In these little lies, I search to find the truth among their lives. It seems tedious but wise, and I won’t ever fail to realize. These days are hard, but things will get better. That’s what tomorrows are for.
And as I’ve written these words on this blog the past few weeks, I’ve found myself happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been, thanks to the safety I feel within now to express myself in the ways that I need to; all in order to speak the truth to you.
As I cherish these things that I have, I feel for others who don’t. I wish there was a way that I could give to them, but I can’t. Because of these circumstances I found myself bound by happenstance.
I don’t want this blog to be entirely dedicated to me, I want to speak of others as well. I wish to be a humanitarian in every sense, because of the way these people fell. And because of the ache in my heart I feel when I see these things, their truths I will tell.
I know this may seem random, but I have thought of this for years. Though I stopped myself because of my own fear. The fear of being judged, but now that disappears. Because these people cry real tears.
Hopefully charity in the making, I certainly am not faking the sorrow I feel when I see another soul suffer. It’s something I wish to never see upon another.
So as I speak these things on my mind and rhyme these rhymes, I will hopefully come to the time where with these words, I can make a difference. Truly.
In desolate places and derelict spaces, I see the faces of the future. Those that deserve to have their voices heard.
As I look around myself I find it hard to find what I should see: the reality of those around me. Yet I cannot, because it is covered up; something I will never truly understand.
Aches and pains and trickling rain. Although I ache for the future, I also ache for the sameness that comes about upon every nook and cranny of every alley. People of the world deserve to have their voices heard, not dismissed as they have been.
Magazines draw me in and despite my knowledge of lies in the media, I choose what I believe. I believe in the day when we can sit side by side and stay together as one. That we could have fun.
Reading these issues of the world, I wish I could help, but I find myself helpless in a situation where I have not experienced what others have. I don’t understand the discrimination, and perhaps I never can. It’s not within my hands.
Still, even as a girl with porcelain skin and green eyes, I will devise what plans I can to help those who need it. It’s not as simple as speaking about it; I want to do something.
But still I find myself within this room, attached to my sickness, attached to my lack of knowledge of the outside world.
Maybe someday, though, I’ll find a way to change the world.