Never Say No

Thinking myself to burnt out, the words no longer coming to my mind. I am not burnt out, but simply having to mine for the words that line my very thoughts. I never thought I would be filled with infinite possibilities; but with disabilities.

Nothing can stop me from dancing to the renegade’s song. On my own I am strong. I make my own path, take part in my own life. Making passageways through the labyrinths that are mine. Mine and mine only. To me, they are holy.

I love who I am for once, and I will never give up this chance to do so. To my own self-love, I will never say no.

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Solid Ground

In lands far away, I see these lonely days stretch into months, years, infinity. There’s nothing I can do right now other than love myself. There’s nothing I can do but trust that it will get better.

And it will.

Trust is not something that comes easy to me, but something that fails to be. I find myself cynical of everything, questioning every word that every person says. I wonder if it’s the truth or if I’m being lied to; it’s something I’ve taught myself to do.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. But it will come soon, I bet. The way that I’ll understand my true feelings about this world and its danger, and to let go of my anger. To be the adult I want and need to be, but to also take care of me.

So many things swirling around, it’s hard to find solid ground. It’s almost like I’m bound, destined to respond to these sounds.

Bold text and even more bold actions, I would love to be someone worth knowing with my fractions of everything that makes me who I am; a patchwork quilt of everything that makes up the organism that is ‘me’.

In these little lies, I search to find the truth among their lives. It seems tedious but wise, and I won’t ever fail to realize. These days are hard, but things will get better. That’s what tomorrows are for.

And as I’ve written these words on this blog the past few weeks, I’ve found myself happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been, thanks to the safety I feel within now to express myself in the ways that I need to; all in order to speak the truth to you.

Difference

As I cherish these things that I have, I feel for others who don’t. I wish there was a way that I could give to them, but I can’t. Because of these circumstances I found myself bound by happenstance.

I don’t want this blog to be entirely dedicated to me, I want to speak of others as well. I wish to be a humanitarian in every sense, because of the way these people fell. And because of the ache in my heart I feel when I see these things, their truths I will tell.

I know this may seem random, but I have thought of this for years. Though I stopped myself because of my own fear. The fear of being judged, but now that disappears. Because these people cry real tears.

Hopefully charity in the making, I certainly am not faking the sorrow I feel when I see another soul suffer. It’s something I wish to never see upon another.

So as I speak these things on my mind and rhyme these rhymes, I will hopefully come to the time where with these words, I can make a difference. Truly.

Change

In desolate places and derelict spaces, I see the faces of the future. Those that deserve to have their voices heard.

As I look around myself I find it hard to find what I should see: the reality of those around me. Yet I cannot, because it is covered up; something I will never truly understand.

Aches and pains and trickling rain. Although I ache for the future, I also ache for the sameness that comes about upon every nook and cranny of every alley. People of the world deserve to have their voices heard, not dismissed as they have been.

Magazines draw me in and despite my knowledge of lies in the media, I choose what I believe. I believe in the day when we can sit side by side and stay together as one. That we could have fun.

Reading these issues of the world, I wish I could help, but I find myself helpless in a situation where I have not experienced what others have. I don’t understand the discrimination, and perhaps I never can. It’s not within my hands.

Still, even as a girl with porcelain skin and green eyes, I will devise what plans I can to help those who need it. It’s not as simple as speaking about it; I want to do something.

But still I find myself within this room, attached to my sickness, attached to my lack of knowledge of the outside world.

Maybe someday, though, I’ll find a way to change the world.

Face

Wintry winds fill me with their icy breath. I often don’t know what I need, nor do I understand what I want. But I trust that it will all work itself out.

Stretching these muscles within my brain, I’ll shift my focus into another lane. For what have I to gain if I cry for things in vain?

No, sometimes I don’t know, but it’s worth a try. It’s worth the effort to take the dive. To step forward towards these things that alight my mind. They won’t always be this kind.

Crafting each word with care, I inhale cold air. As summer leaves and autumn begins, I find my patience wearing thin. But I won’t give up because I know what I’m made of. Small victories and deeper roots, this will always be my truth. Seeing to another day and another night, I count the days down till that flight. The time where I can spread my wings, with all of the peace and tears of happiness it brings. I have endured things I never thought I would, and I’ve done things I never thought could, but under this gentle hood, I will strive for what is good.

In these tears that fall from my face, I’ll find my own place. Within all these pains and fallen grace, I shall face them all with integrity and grace.

Shore

Among these lights are the stars that shine bright. Among this night are the tales told without fright. I want to know where the world ends so that I can follow it back to the beginning, just to relive the start. I want to feel the creation of us, I want to take it to heart.

There are so many things I yearn here to say. But only small words out of my mouth do sway. Thank you for your love and light, I’ll never forget them this way.

And now as I feel these things I find myself in a happier place than before. I feel as though I have finally reached the shore. Strong beams and pine trees, the scent of it all overwhelms me. But basking in the sun’s rays is where I’d rather be.

I feel these things so fair and know that I am meant to be here. Perhaps you are two, and we could dance in eternal solitude.

I find myself getting better, kinder, stronger than before. This all came to me when I happened upon that shore.

So take these words, these rhymes; and come with me into the forest of time. These things so fine forever shall be mine.

Wow Pt 2

I am so stressed right now. I’ve never been on the phone with customer service for a full hour. Needless to say it was nerve-wracking.

I don’t want to mention the hosting platform I chose as I believe that they are very competent and that this experience of mine was only a fluke. I think God was telling me that it’s not time for a website yet. Perhaps I’m not ready.

But I’m grateful for this experience because in a way it shows me that I can just move forward with having fun writing. As much as I’m frustrated and I would like to have a website, I don’t have the money, nor the energy to do that right now. Right now I just need to sleep. It’s hard doing things for the first time. I’m very tired and have a massive headache.

But I’m grateful to still have this blog.

Fairy

Things made of crystal and sweet butterflies. All of these little things make us wise. Deep within the mountainside, in a cabin it lies.

Swift words and herds of cattle mingling outside, with not a thought of what’s behind the doors.

But it would not be a horror, no. It would be full of beauty. Things turned to crystal and brought back to life now my duty. My pointed ears and nose, no one would know. I am here, as I listen with one ear. This magic emanates from my fingertips, finally giving these crystal a glimpse of the lives they’ve missed.

I am a Restorer; someone to restore those frozen to what they were before. It is ignorance and hatred that causes these creatures this curse so sore. It has caused many a war.

So, I work alongside crystal and hide. Here within this cabin of mine. Nothing can touch me here; there is no nothing I fear.

A fairy like me can’t possibly be seen by those with a vision less keen. But still I can be known by those whose lies away they’ve thrown. And even on this mountaintop, as I restore lives, living without lies. It can be lonely to hide, but I don’t mind.

For I find much meaning and joy in this work of mine.

Take Flight

Painting scenes and knowing wings. Soft Celtic music and sewn up seams. Little kittens with eyes so green. These are the things that cause happiness in me.

Quite books read in cozy nooks. Warm food and aesthetic looks. Watching water flow in a small crook. These are the things that bring me eyes to look.

Flowing water and braided hair. Twinkling trees and fresh summer air. Thousands of dips and plenty of care. These are the things that seem to me fair.

Snowy cities and crisp flakes of white. Skylines and airlines decorated bright. Glowing and dancing like a dream in the night. These are the things that make me take flight.

Real

As I allow myself to be swept into the void, I can’t help but feel a smile creeping up on these lips of mine. I can’t help but feel my eyes close with the sensation of peace as my mind wanders into a dream world of my own making.

Sleep, something so elusive lately, has come to me. It has come to set me free. Of this day. Of this life. There’s no other way that I could find myself loosening up, finding the corset around my heart to loose and fall away. Finding that the fears that have so viciously sewn my mouth shut recede into nothingness. I am okay here. I’m always going to be okay here.

I have dreamt of incredible dreamscapes. Damp sand with marble flooring, the water rushing in from a shore unseen as I walk barefoot through it, looking up at the darkening sky, it’s gray clouds finding their way to me. Still though, they cannot breach the barrier that is my safety.

Another place, another time. As I navigate these dreams and these worlds, I find ways to make them into stories. I find ways to create them into novels upon my waking hours. They will always fuel that wanderlust within me; that desire I have to inhabit a world not my own.

If I could ever reach another planet with life on it, I would go there in a heartbeat. I would study the culture of humans there, I would study the strange plant life and animals. I’d learn the languages and taste the food because despite my dreams taking me from this life temporarily and my nomadic spirit fueling me to travel the earth, I find myself wanting to wander further than just the horizon of this world. Crazy as it sounds, I want to wander¬†every¬†horizon. I want to watch them, know them, feel them. I need to know their sounds, their taste, their scents because as I rise from the gripping fingers of darkness that pull me down, I can know that have a place that I can be alone. A place to call home.

How I wish that I could be alone, in my own place, devoid of fight of politics, devoid of vicious crimes and violence. Devoid of the things that strip my happiness away from me shred by shred until I find myself bare to the very core. It is then that I retreat into these worlds that I have created within my own mind; these worlds that I somehow wish would someday be real. How I would love to stand in some of the places I’ve explored in my mind. How I’d do anything to inhabit each and every world that I find.

But for now, I stay within this world. Not because I’m trapped by it, but because I choose to be within its walls for the sake of my own safety. I can venture into my own worlds through stories and novels. And maybe someday…just maybe…they could become real.