Uninhibited

Uninhibited, I am someone who speaks what I want and need. In these dark hills, I walk away from greed.

Unaffected, I am the one who keeps trying, because I’m not fond of life dying.

Unreal, I reach towards the stars, knowing that my fingertips reach far.

And understanding, to know that I know exactly where I’m landing.

In this world of terror and worry, I won’t allow it to steal my flurry of love and truth, honestly something I hold so dearly to my heart.

I want to be who I am, and I will be. Because the only person I can be is me.

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Gentler Creatures

These days together lately have been rough. But I find myself to be tough. Toughened by the challenges that lie in front of me, but not hardened by what they create of me.

I wish that I could’ve done better in the past, but what’s done is done. There’s nothing I can do but move on.

As I allow my face to turn towards the light with the sun to shine on my features, I will forever understand that I am one of those gentler creatures.

Light

My bare feet grace the ground with their presence; soon being filled with the essence of truth and happiness. For I walk towards the light that lifts me, that of which brings my anxiety and depression away from me. And in these steady days, I will find peace in many different ways.

As I search for ways to help others and to bring happiness to myself, I find the book of my life upon a shelf. Upon the shelf of everything I ever needed; these words I say now which were created.

Bring forth the greatest happiness you can find, for I dance with joy and unwind. Filled with flower dust and the nectar of life, there’s nothing that should bring forth strife.

And in this broken soul, I find myself mended once more. My words flowing, flowing towards the shore.

Eleven Years

Nothing is as it seems. Something sinister, time seems, but these thoughts just stream into my consciousness, throwing me for a loop.

I’ve struggled for eleven years, and began to believe that I would never reach what was at the top of that mountain. The one I desperately clawed my way up, searching in vain to find my name scribbled with the rest.

But I never did.

However, things have changed and I’m seeing wild imagination that was once tame.

With windy days and air conditioning turned up high, I dare to believe that maybe I could fly. Maybe, after all of this time, the turn to shine is mine. Because of these words I write, deep into the night. I hope that I get them right because I don’t ever want to give up this sight.

Fickle bones and small throwing stones; I hoped that I could be among those on the throne. The throne of the success that I pleaded so desperately for, for people around the world to hear these words built up at my core. And now my eyes deceive me.

For my name written now; after eleven years I am finally here for sure.

Never Get Tired

To write is to become immortal. These scripted words upon this worn out page.

This is something I recently learned. I’m fascinated with writing and in love with it now more than ever.

I love to write because it helps me to understand myself, and how I’m feeling. Been recently I’ve been feeling a little burnt out. I apologize for that. Perhaps writing so much a day took it out of me! Either way, I feel exhausted. But one thing is for sure: I’ll never get tired of writing.

Solid Ground

In lands far away, I see these lonely days stretch into months, years, infinity. There’s nothing I can do right now other than love myself. There’s nothing I can do but trust that it will get better.

And it will.

Trust is not something that comes easy to me, but something that fails to be. I find myself cynical of everything, questioning every word that every person says. I wonder if it’s the truth or if I’m being lied to; it’s something I’ve taught myself to do.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it yet. But it will come soon, I bet. The way that I’ll understand my true feelings about this world and its danger, and to let go of my anger. To be the adult I want and need to be, but to also take care of me.

So many things swirling around, it’s hard to find solid ground. It’s almost like I’m bound, destined to respond to these sounds.

Bold text and even more bold actions, I would love to be someone worth knowing with my fractions of everything that makes me who I am; a patchwork quilt of everything that makes up the organism that is ‘me’.

In these little lies, I search to find the truth among their lives. It seems tedious but wise, and I won’t ever fail to realize. These days are hard, but things will get better. That’s what tomorrows are for.

And as I’ve written these words on this blog the past few weeks, I’ve found myself happier and more at peace than I’ve ever been, thanks to the safety I feel within now to express myself in the ways that I need to; all in order to speak the truth to you.

Cure

And there was no other way it could have been done. The chances were none. Save for that one; the one who knew their own worth, who knew who they were. Truly, and knowingly.

The world can’t crush you if you give no stalk into what they say. They’d have to find another way, but even after the last light of day, they will never be able to say they brought you down.

I’m discovering this more and more each day of my life. It’s almost a right of passage, to let go of that baggage and to start anew. For the only and only way I walk is the one that is true.

Divide the good from the bad, the happy from the sad, and you will be glad that you never got mad. These things you fought for won the war and even as you open this door you will surely find the cure.

Shore

Among these lights are the stars that shine bright. Among this night are the tales told without fright. I want to know where the world ends so that I can follow it back to the beginning, just to relive the start. I want to feel the creation of us, I want to take it to heart.

There are so many things I yearn here to say. But only small words out of my mouth do sway. Thank you for your love and light, I’ll never forget them this way.

And now as I feel these things I find myself in a happier place than before. I feel as though I have finally reached the shore. Strong beams and pine trees, the scent of it all overwhelms me. But basking in the sun’s rays is where I’d rather be.

I feel these things so fair and know that I am meant to be here. Perhaps you are two, and we could dance in eternal solitude.

I find myself getting better, kinder, stronger than before. This all came to me when I happened upon that shore.

So take these words, these rhymes; and come with me into the forest of time. These things so fine forever shall be mine.

Behind These Words

As I have been a writer and as I write these words, I have always feared writing what I truly felt, what I truly believed, as well as my own opinions. I suppose this is a little more candid than other posts. But I’ve been paralyzed with fear for several minutes, trying to decide whether or not to write this post.

But I’m not going to let these fears destroy me. I am going to triumph, I am going to revel in the spirit of the warrior that I am, and know that despite the fact that I have been bullied in the past for simple opinions (bullied pretty brutally I might add, as well as threatened and blackmailed), I will not allow that to stop me again. I will never allow it to stop me again. So even as I type these words with the fear I feel and dread I taste, I will step past that threshold. They can’t hold me back if I don’t let them, and soon enough, their words fade into nothing but background noise. The opinions I’ve had and things I’ve wanted to say have been something I’ve been very frightened to tell, because I’ve been silenced before. Then, when I tried to explain, I was told I was ‘crying wolf’. ‘Being dramatic’ and ‘lying for attention’. But I’ve gotten this my whole life.

No longer will I let these bullies of my past rule my present, nor will I let them determine my future. So, here are some things about me; some opinions I don’t usually share, and some things that make me uniquely me:

I am easily impressionable, believing instantly everything I hear

I’m not proud of that

A real man is a man who will do anything to make his children happy

I think it’s pathetic to back out on taking care of someone just because you don’t want to help and would rather spend time doing what you want to do (I have a specific person in mind for this, but I’m not going into details)

I believe that the world can, at some point, truly be a land of peace

I believe in humans on other planets and I am determined to be the one that discovers them and makes first contact…somehow

A father should get just as much leave when having a newborn infant as a mother does

It is because of people that cheat the system that it is now so hard to get health insurance

Ignorance is the thing I hate the most in this world

I love sweets, and I like to eat something sweet everyday

Someday I want to live in Japan

I want to become one of the best-selling authors in history, and even as I fear saying that, I know that it is who I am, and as I write this, I hope that you enjoyed learning a little bit about the woman behind the words

 

Can You Make Money From Taking Surveys?

I have serious physical disabilities, and I’ve been sick my whole life; therefore, I cannot hold down a job. I’ve tried to get jobs at various stores and restaurants, but no one will hire me because I don’t have job experience, and because I’m physically sick. Of course, I can walk, I can speak, I can do things most people can do, but I need to take many breaks, and I become very exhausted after even thirty minutes of working on something. Not to mention that the ‘not having job experience’ can’t be helped when no one is willing to hire me because I don’t have previous experience. See the plot hole there?

Anyway, it wasn’t long ago that I looked online for alternate ways to make money. Thankfully I receive enough money for a few reasons that I am able to live comfortably; but I still wanted to make a little extra. I mean, when you are a disabled person, upon getting something like disability, there is often a statement that goes like this: “You must maintain being a functioning member of society.”

In my journey looking for ways to earn money on the side, I came across numerous sites stating that I could make some money doing surveys. So, of course, I jumped in. I don’t really have anything to lose seeing as I don’t have a day job, and I struggle to take care of myself anyway (it’s getting better, though). So, I started doing surveys.

And I earned even less than the websites specified.

Being a white Caucasian woman in her early twenties living with little life experience doesn’t go very far. I was disqualified from almost every survey I tried to take, simply because ‘the desired demographic has been reached’. That was extremely – and increasingly – frustrating to me as it continued to say that to me more and more. The frustration was only exacerbated by not being able to earn money in other ways.

A lot of people ask, in short, whether they can make money from surveys. My answer? Try it, but you won’t make much. The sad thing is, they’re not trying to be racist, but when you fit into the majority where you are white, female, and in your twenties…there’s not much of a chance. It was very frustrating for me.

If you need to earn money, I would recommend playing on your strengths, or things that you genuinely love to do rather than trying to get money answering questions when it’s not worth the money.

Are you good at art? The ‘starving artist’ thing is a lie. Good at writing? Start a blog like this one. Good at baking? Start a baking website, write a book, or start a YouTube channel dedicated to your own recipes. It isn’t too difficult to make money in this world, but it can be if you limit yourself. One thing I’ve found is that when people say that it’s difficult to ‘make it’ – meaning that it’s difficult to gather traction for a YouTube channel or for a blog like this one – it’s not really difficult in the work aspect, it’s difficult in the aspect of keeping up, providing content, having passion, and not giving up.

What about you? Have you tried surveys? What was your experience?